So here it is: Woman Sues Diddy For 1 Trillion Dollars. I would embed the actual article on the blog, but I'm a "writer" not a member of the Geek Squad so click on it, read, come back and we'll discuss.....
OK for you clowns that decided not to click I'll provide a brief synopsis:
Some crazy broad named Valerie Joyce Wilson Turks has decided to sue Sean "Diddy" Combs for 1 TRILLION DOLLARS*!! Why? Well, because she feels like he was the catalyst behind September 11 (with the help of Kim Porter and Rodney King)! And I know you're thinking "that's all", but no it's not. If you are going to sue somebody for a trilli you damn sure better have more than one reason for it right? Well, Ms. Turks also says that Diddy owes her child support ($900 billion for her now 23 year old son) and $100 billion for loss of income. She also says that sexually and physically abused her children. Her request for a restraining order was denied.
Wowza. I'm not usually one to laugh at mental illness, but sometimes crazy people do funny shit, like filing this suit, and I've laughed at this one for the past 24 hours or so. But seriously? She seriously wants me to believe that Diddy is the reason behind September 11th? Can you just imagine him standing in one of his penthouse apartments laughing an evil laugh and screaming "take that, take that" to the world? I can't. And what the hell did Rodney King ever do to anybody? All he's been trying to do for the past 20 years is try to get his brain unscrambled from that LAPD beatdown and make sure everybody gets along. And now he's being accused of breaching Homeland security! And poor, poor Kim Porter. That heffa can't catch a break. She's been sacrificing her uterus for years having kids with Diddy. With choppers like his you know it's like a 25% chance that any embryo created by this man will grow teeth and eat its way out like that thing in Alien and now this?
I just want to know how the hell this case got past the filing clerk!? Before I even knew what the case was about I knew this broad was missing a couple shades from her Crayola 64 box. So, I know when she walked into the courthouse or wherever you file lawsuits she had a crazy look in her eyes. In my mind, I imagine that she's a middle-aged black woman with a crooked wig blonde wig and she walked in the building with purpose and determination, carrying a very large tote bag with all of her belongings and "proof", wearing an old rabbit/fox fur coat and rings on every finger.** But since we don't know what she looks like, let's use the clues that she's left for us to diagnose her madness. Well other than the actual lawsuit. I mean, look at her name. She uses all four? Why? Is that really necessary? How extra. And I know when you are suing someone you high ball so that if there's a settlement you can possibly get close to the number that you really wanted...but this heffa actually wrote a billion on a piece of paper (with 899 other ones with it) and gave it to someone with seriousness in her heart.
I refuse take this shit seriously. But some judge obviously did and thinks she deserves her day in court. And because she gets her day to parade her foolery for all of the world to see, I've decided to make my own moves. In keeping with the tone of this case and the litigous society that we've become, I'm filing a class action suit. This is some major stuff folks. And if you feel me you need to get on board because when I win, I ain't sharing with none of you. I've decided to sue all of the dumbasses that have ever done dumbass shit that has affected my life in a minor or major or non-existent way. If you've done one or more of the following, from here on out consider yourself DEFENDANT:
- You are a male and have attained the age of 18 and one half years and still wear conrows.
- Your body type requires that you wear double digit sizes but you insist on wearing single digits.
- You have or are impressed by tattoos that looks like dessert or genitals.
- You owe more than $1 in back child support.
- Your child knows every word to every Lil Wayne and Lil Boosie song there ever was but cannot say the ABC's or spell their own name.
- You've ever traveled further than your front door with no shoes on.
- Your boyfriend or girlfriend is someone elses husband or wife.
- You believe anything that Oprah says.
- You've ever been arrested and detained and feel like others are obligated to assist with your release.
- You voted for or even considered voting for: John McCain, Sarah Palin, Rand Paul.
- You feel like any guilty party should be freed for whatever reason and you wear a shirt displaying your feelings.
- You are a female with more hair on your upper lip, legs, and armpits than Ambam.
- You wear expensive shoes and clothing and your kid(s) always look homeless.
- You own or work for BET and have said nothing about the programming.
- You don't believe global warming is real.
*Yes, I so used my Dr. Evil voice when I said that.
** Yes, I after writing that I realized that I lightweight described Diddy's Mama Janice. But I swear that's how this crazy broad looks in my head. LOL
No comments:
Post a Comment