Every now and again someone will ask me how we did it. How we have lasted this long in an age where many people don't even bother getting married and the ones that do don't bother staying married. Well, there are a lot of reasons. But, I can narrow it down to three:
1. Prayer 2. Patience 3. Fear of incarceration.
You weren't expecting that third one were you? It's the truth though. In fact, I implore you to ask any person that you know who has been married over 2 years if they've ever considered murdering their spouse. I guarantee 100% of your responses are going to be "Hell YES!!".
This doesn't mean that they don't love their spouse or that they don't care. This just means that they are human. Occasionally some humans can get on your nerves so damn bad that the thought of putting a pillow over their face while they sleep or tossing a radio in the tub with them doesn't really seem like a far fetched idea.
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| Diabla. That means "she devil". |
Staying married has been hard fucking work. Really hard. Like think of the hardest thing that you've ever done. Now multiply it by a gazillion. Now tell it you love it. That's marriage. Or at least that's what marriage is for me.
Thing is, because of all of the hard work a beautiful relationship grows. My husband is my very best friend. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for him. Except go to jail (see #3). That's just bullshit. But other than that...I've got his back. And he has mine. That's the payoff for all the blood, sweat, and tears that we've put into this relationship.
So I decided to write this blog in honor of our years together. For some research I posted a status on FB asking my married (and boo'd up) friends to tell me about the greatest lesson they've learned since being married. Let me tell you, they filled my inbox up with all kinds of stuff. But I don't want to go into all of that because my name ain't Dr. Phil and Oprah's hoe ass don't sign my paychecks.
Anyway, they had some really good stuff. Most of it I won't use here. But it was good stuff. So based on their responses and my own personal experience, I've compiled a list for you to use to assist you in making sure your marriage lasts longer than the the life cycle of a fruit fly.
1. Communicate: This is the most major lesson that you have to learn. Bad communication is the death of most marriages. You have to learn to talk to your mate. And by talk, I mean use real words. Word that come out of your mouth. Not text messages and emails. Nothing says I don't give a fuck about you more than: "U R the best bb. <3 LOL SMH :-) ;-)". Sit down, look your spouse in the eye and TELL them everything you hate about them. I promise they will respect you more. And if you get out of the conversation with nothing worse than a stretched collar then you know you got through to him/her. Also, make sure you tell them everything that you love about them. Don't assume that they know. In fact, act as if they don't know shit and make sure you tell them something positive every single day.
2. Honesty is the Best Policy: Fellas, I promise that there is nothing that you've done that your wife doesn't know about. She may be ignoring it right now, but trust me, she knows. So when she asks you about whatever it is, don't lie. Please don't lie. Tell the whole entire damn truth. It will save you a lot of trouble later. And probably some time in the ER. Ladies, even though most men aren't as astute to untruthiness as we are honesty is always the best policy. There's not point in lying when the truth will do. You want your partner to trust you. Trust is impossible if they think you are a liar. And a relationship built by liars or on lies will never last. There are only two exceptions to this "do not tell a lie" rule: (1) Lie to keep yourself out of jail (see #3 above) or (2) Lie to get out of jail. Anything other than that is useless.
3. Give Them the Royal Treatment: Royalty ain't just shit for English folk people. Treat your spouse like they are the Queen or King of whatever little podunk town you're living in right now. In fact, treat them like they are the Ruler of the Universe. [pause]Ruler of the Universe only applies within the confines of your home. We all know that that spot is reserved for Tee.[play] If he's hungry, fix him a plate. Don't skimp, don't complain about him always getting the big piece of chicken. Just do it. Clip his crusty toenails, help him put lotion on his ashy back. Whatever needs he has, fulfill them. If she needs you to go buy tampons, skedaddle on down to the CVS (or wherever she buys her wares) and get a box. Give her a back rub, buy her flowers for no reason, don't complain about her monthly shoe budget. Treating your love like royalty means that you will get the same treatment in return in some way, shape, form or fashion. Everybody wins. Remember that.
4. STFU: Sometimes it's best to say nothing at all. Sometimes lots of yakking and screaming makes matters worse. Sometimes you just have to learn to shut the entire fuck up and LISTEN to what your partner is trying to tell you. You'd be amazed at what you can learn when you are silent.
5. Pick Your Battles: Everything is not worth fighting over. In fact, I've learned that most things are not. This doesn't mean that you let people run over you or always get their way. Not hardly. It just means that the things that you are arguing about are likely not going to matter in the grand scheme of things. Sit back and think about what you are about to go crazy over. Will it really affect your life in such a major way that you are willing to lose out on some good quality time with your spouse by yelling and screaming about dumb shit? I'm not. I'd much rather practice making babies that be mad and giving folks the silent treatment because he won't put the toilet paper on the roll the right way. But that's just me.
6. Laugh: Try not to take everything so seriously. Life is much easier when you can laugh at the foolishness that your encounter (self-made or otherwise) daily. Learn a corny joke and share it. Tell your partner about the dumb shit you did that day. For example, I walked into a closed patio door once thinking that it was open. Knocked the wind all out of myself. Hubby still gets tickled at one. I guarantee your partner is going to do some dumb shit before the day is through. Make sure you laugh at that too.
So, there's a list of 6 things that you can use immediately to make your marriage a better place for the both of you. Now do I always follow these rules? Of course not. But I try to adhere to them more often than not. I believe this is why I'm still married and I haven't had to serve any major time in the clink.
Good luck with your relationships. I hope everyone has the strength and tenacity to make things last for the long haul. Life is too short to be alone and bitter. Be bitter with the love of your life.
