A conversation with friends inspired the following post. We were discussing things that we would leave behind in this decade and the things that we would keep. In my opinion, the things left behind was the most interesting part of the topic for me, because that’s the one that required the most thought. So many things have happened in the past 10 years that there are plenty of things to choose from. During 2000-2010 I learned a lot about the world and the people in it. Most of the lessons I’ve learned will be with me for the rest of my life. Probably because most of them I learned due to some kind of trauma or tragedy. So yeah, I’ll be damn glad to see this decade go away. And I’m damn glad to be venting about the things that need to be left behind, never to be heard from again.
I guess the easiest thing to do would be to just leave everything. To just start with a clean slate in 2011. Now, I know that’s not realistic. At least not with me, I swear when Erykah Badu wrote “Bag Lady” she was talking about me. When I decide to hold on to some shit, I get a hold tight and I don’t let go. Maybe it’s because I’m a Cancer, and am naturally super emotional. Who knows? Which just now led to a random thought: wouldn’t that be an awesome TLC show? Emotional Hoarders…hmmmmmm. Anyway, instead of talking about the things that I share with my therapist, because I believe that violates HIPPA; let’s talk about the things that I would leave behind.
First and foremost, I would leave behind the wars currently being fought in Afghanistan and Iraq. I’m all about peace. And I honestly don’t understand what we are fighting these wars for. I get that we are fighting against terrorism, but it seems like we are fighting against the wrong people. I mean it’s possible that I’m missing something. But are we really fighting 2 wars because we are trying to find one man? The fact that this dude can’t be located really puzzles me. We can find ANYBODY. And by anybody I mean anybody. We have the technological ability to find the exact location to the centimeter of a wanted person who makes the mistake of farting in a high wind at noon on an off day, but not an aging 7 foot tall Middle Eastern man with bad kidneys and a bad attitude? I’m not well versed on these things, but for some reason I’m thinking that that particular variety of man is probably pretty rare. Anyway, I say leave the wars behind. Let’s spend that money on fighting battles on domestic soil. Like homelessness, healthcare, and equal opportunities for all. Yes, that was very bleeding heart liberal of me. So what? I have my soft and pink moments on occasion.
I would definitely leave “Wives” shows behind. I’m not sure when reality television became the only type of television that sells. But why on Earth are these chicks considered entertaining? These women are horrible. All of them. None of them are relatable. They all have bad attitudes. And how many of them are actually wives? Seriously, I can tell you exactly how an episode of Basketball Wives is going to go. Scene 1: they all sit around a table drinking and trying to look pretty. Scene 2: All hell breaks loose at the dinner after one of them decides to call another one out for talking about her behind her back to another back stabber that she’s not mad at…yet. Scene 3: Somebody gets a drink thrown in their face. End Scene. Football Wives is no better. All of the women seem extra miserable and unhappy. And even though all of them are actually married, I’m not sure a couple of them are actually women. I don’t care what any of you say, some of those chicks are going to have to show me a uterine ultrasound for me to actually believe that she’s currently working with the parts that she was born with. And I totally cannot forget the Housewives franchise. Every single heffa on every single show is out of her rabbit ass mind. Every single damn one. If you can name one normal one from ANY of the shows please let me know, because I haven’t been able to identify a sane brain on any season. It all started with those touched Orange County crazies and it’s gotten progressively worse with every new area code that they add to the franchise. They are filled with nothing but money, messiness, and misery. At first it was entertaining but now it’s just sad. So yeah, let’s go ahead and leave these types of shows behind.
I think it goes without saying that this piss poor economy that we are dealing with should be left behind. The recession sucks! I want the days of affordable housing, cheap gas, and buying nice handbags and shoes without guilt back. I want everyone to be able to enjoy the goodness that is purchasing things that make them tingle and smile. If I ruled the world that would be a constitutional right, the right to purchase tingle worthy greatness whenever you damn well please. Something has to be done to right this ship. And hopefully it will be done in 2011, because I’m voting that the recession be over as of 11:59 p.m. on December 31.
If nobody minds, I’d also like to leave Moscato, Muscahtoe, Moscatuh, Moosekatoe, and all of the other variations of that damn wine in the dust. I’m super sick of people saying that this is all that they drink like is some fine shit that been in somebody’s wine cellar collecting dust since 1947 just waiting on a special occasion. You can buy the shit in Walgreen’s for like $5 a bottle. I think it might even come in a box with a spout. It’s just ridiculous that all these folks think they are doing something big because some rapper told them that it was the current drink of choice. I also say leave it because if the people who are drinking it don’t have sense enough to look at the damn bottle that they are drinking from so that they can spell the shit correctly when they are bragging then it doesn’t need to exist. Hold up, on second thought, Moscato can stay it’s not the wine’s fault people are stupid. Let’s leave the morons who can’t spell it even though claim that they are constantly drinking it.
I also propose that female rap beefs be left behind when the decade ends. That shit is just stupid. I mean I know that battling on wax has been part of the rap game sense its inception but the chicks these days are absolutely no Real Roxanne or Roxanne Shante'. I mean seriously, why exactly is Lil Kim firing verbal shots at Nicki Minaj? Why is Nicki Minaj clapping back? What does Foxxy Brown have to do with any of it? And who the hell told this heffa Keys that she had the right to say anything about any of ‘em? What exactly are they angry over? Whose ass is bigger? Whose lace-front is lacier? Who has the dopest plastic surgeon? I can’t take any of these broads seriously. What I need them all to do is get on a record together and make some money instead of each of them individually thinking they have a monopoly on hoe prose. The arguing and fighting over nothing needs to stop now before somebody does something stupid and ends up with a (or another) felony. Foxxy and Kimberly have already seen the inside of federal lock-up I know they don’t wanna end up doing Remy Ma numbers. So chill ladies. Put your Louboutin wearing feet up, pour a glass of Moscato, smoke a Kool Mild Unfiltered, and just chill. Damn.
Since we are talking about female rappers and their foolishness, I think this is an appropriate segue for placing my vote for leaving bad lacefront wigs behind in this decade. I guessing it was Beyonce’ that got all you broads thinking that this form of hair accessory is a good idea. And honestly, when used correctly it really is. But that's the problem, some of you aren’t using them correctly. Some of you are using them all the way wrong. You have to remember is B is using $50000 wigs made from the virgin hair of Tibetan nuns who haven’t seen daylight or been exposed to the elements since a fortnight after the day they were born. She has a team of glue clerks that keep her shit tight and right. She keeps her hair pieces locked up in a hermetically sealed chamber to make sure they can still be used past their expiration date. Truth is, some of you actually do know who to apply these wigs and make them look like you grew them on your own. Congratulations. But the peole I'm talking about are the chicks that try to go the bargain basement route and end up with Elmer’s glue all balled up on their foreheads instead of using proper wig glue. Or the ones that feel like washing and conditioning the wig is unnecessary because it’s not the hair that grew out of their head and the shit ends up looking like the pet gerbil from Mrs. Ferguson's class tried to mate with it. Or the ones that have the damn things sitting all askew atop their domes looking like it’s a low budget winter hat. These are the chicks that have ruined it for all of you. Don't be mad at Tee for this one, be mad at them for mucking up the game so bad that wearing Beverly Johnson and Motown Remi are no longer acceptable in 2011 and beyond.
Hmmmm, some of the things I've written above make it seem like I don't really like girls. No worries people, I'm pro-XX. I guess because I'm female I just notice the dumb shit that females do more than the dumb shit that guys do. This is probably because I want to make sure that I avoid doing the dumb shit that would get me lumped into the group of ladies that do dumb shit that gets them noticed by people like me. I want to make sure that people know that other than fallopian tubes, we have very little in common. I'm sure that there are plenty of things that guys would like to leave behind when the ball drops this year. I don't know, maybe being a pannie wearer makes me a little more sensitive to some of the more asinine things that go on in the world.
Wow, I could really go on all day with this one. But I'll stop here because I don't want to bore you. But I don't mind you boring me. So, tell me what you would leave behind in this decade? What would you take with you? I'm sure you all have some interesting things on your mind. Hell, we might even come up with something to discuss in another post.
girl i love it!!!
ReplyDelete