Wednesday, December 14, 2011

I Don't Even Know What To Call This...

Greetings friends!!! I know, I know.  I've been gone for a minute.  Yes, there's been plenty of foolishness running rampant in these streets.  But honestly not much has moved me enough to write about.

I mean there was Herman "Big Daddy" Cain and all of his Tiger Woods-y foolishness.  ReDICKulous fellated himself and managed to gross out a whole nation of people.  Chrissy molly whopped Kimbella.  Ghadafi got murked.  And then there's the "Frankie Leg".  Every single one of those incidents had me damn near death.  But not one of them made me feel that feeling in the pit of my belly.

That feeling that's kind of like half gas, half anxiety.  The one that makes me feel like I just took a couple spins on a Tilt-O-Whirl after eating 15 funnels cakes.  I haven't felt that feeling since the last time Ices Brown dropped down and got her eagle.

Nope.  I haven't felt that way in a good long while.  Almost forgot what it felt like.  Until I saw this....

Look closely children....this is what a real, live dumb ass looks like.


Okay people.  Look at this good stuff and concentrate real hard.  Maybe you have an answer for the question that I need to ask....

What the entire fuck was this broad thinking?

Now, I've been accused of being a super fan before.  In fact I proudly say that I think that Michael Joseph Jackson (R.I.P.) is the greatest of all times! *Muhammad Ali voice*  But the furthest I ever went to be closer to him was get a greasy ass Jheri curl and a red, pleather jacket with zippers.  No way would I ever get a tattoo of the guys name.  And if I did it surely wouldn't be on my forehead in size 40 Courier New font. 

And it most certainly wouldn't be a tattoo for Drake!! Drake? Like, seriously?  She decides to spend the rest of her days with the softest marshmallow in Hip-Hop's moniker stuck on her forehead?  I can't.

Drake is like the frilliest, softest, pinkest dude there ever was.  I bet if you poke Drake in the tummy, Jelly Belly's would fall out of his ass.  

If you are gonna do something like this, at least pick a guy that's had a murder charge.  Or at least a traffic violation.  Suge Knight comes to mind. Lil' Kim.  Bushwick Bill.  Hell, I'd even rather she picked Lil' Boosie.

But Drake?

Nah son.

I'm certain this dude bathes in only the purest of spring waters infused with the scents of lavender and gardenia.  

But this chick chose him.  The idea of it just makes me cringe.  We are talking about Wheelchair Jimmy people.  If anything get a tramp stamp of his wheels or that little blue tag that hangs from his rear view mirror.  Not a full on brand that makes your dome look like on of those Victoria Secret collegiate shirts. 

That tattoo is nothing but a bullseye.  She may as well have put "Punch Me" on her head instead.  That's pretty much what I want to do.  Punch her right between here eyes, about a 1/2" below that "A".