YouTube Shenanigans

I hate local news.  I like for my news to be reported by someone who sounds like they should be DJing the Quiet Storm from 10-2. Someone like Brian Williams, yes indeed.  That man sure knows how to report some devastation.  His delivery is so smooth you almost forget that he's talking about war, recession, or serial killers.  But back to local news.  I hate it.  Especially, the morning shows.  The anchors are all perky and 4 Loco'd up.  It's irritating.  Plus they always report about dumb shit like the mating habits of some squirrels outside some old broads back door.  It's ridiculous.  I really should stop watching but I like to be informed about what's going on in the world and my neighborhood so I don't turn over and check out Dragon Ball Z Kai, even though I should.  And this morning I'm so glad I did not because I was blessed to see such an awesome display of tomfoolery at a T.J. Maxx store that I couldn't believe my eyes.  I had to go searching for the story on YouTube and hot dammit, I found it!!!

Get into this ridiculousness people:


I have no words for this shit.  I'm seriously sitting here trying to figure out the logistics of hiding boots and shit under your titty.  I know titties come in all sizes and stuff, but damn.  How large do your mammories have to be to hide BOOTS people?

How does a plan like this even come up in conversation?  My friends and I have been known to discuss our boobs.  But never have we ever mentioned how much contraband we can carry in our cups.  And then there's the fact that they are hauling merchandise up under their guts and arm meat. What the fuck?

Can you imagine how that conversation went?  I can.  In my mind they were sitting on the couch at Schmeco's house watching Maury Povich while waiting on the timer for their Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls to ding.  The converation goes something like this:

Eileen: Girl, I needs to lose some weight?
Schmeco: Why girl? Big girls are back.  You betta use what you got to get what you want!
Eileen:  Say what?  I already got a man, I ain't hardly looking.
Schmeco:  Nah girl, I'm talking about cleaning up! What size bra you wear? Bout a DDD? Girl them shits could hold Barbie's, Monopoly games, Hungry Hungry Hippos...whatever! I'm telling you girl, I carried my family's whole Thanksgiving dinner under my right titty and my belly.  I'm a beast with this shit.
Eileen: For real? You know what? I'm wit it.  I saw these boots at TJ Maxx a couple weeks ago.  I'm gonna get me some and a few pairs to sell.  I love having you as a friend girl! You know how to milk errthang!

And then their dumb asses go to TJ Maxx and get locked up for housing shit and I end up on the bed watching the madness on TV with this look on my face:


SMH and crying for womankind. Theft by areola.  This shit right here is another sign that the end is near.  Get your lives right people.