Conversations With My Son

My son is 6 and he says the darndest things.  He asks questions that make me think.  He gives me information about things that I didn't know existed in this world.  The kid is some kind of genius.  But this could be just the Mommy in me talking. 

He and I often have great conversations.  Usually, they are about mundane things like the latest happenings on Dragon Ball Z Kai or debates about who's more awesomer: Spiderman or Iron Man.  But occassionally, he will ask a question or drop some serious knowledge about life.  It's usually something that involves deep thought and often leads to introspection.  For example, today we had a conversation about where babies come from.  It went a little something like this:

Him: Mama, I know how babies get here.
Me:  Really?  How?
Him:  You poop them out. 
Me: Say what?
Him:  Yeah, you poop them out.
Me:  No baby, that's not exactly how it goes.
Him:  Then how does it go?
Me:  Babies come out of the mommy's vagina.  She doesn't poop them out.
Him: Sooooo....I didn't come out of your butt?
Me: No.
Him:  Are you sure, because I could've sworn I came out of your butt. 
Me:  I'm so sorry that you're memory is failing you.  But I promise you didn't come out of my butt.  That's something that I would definitely remember. 
Him: Hmmmm.  So I didn't come out of your butt?  I came out of your buh-gina? *puke face*
Me:  Correct.
Him:  Well that's just gross. *walks away disgusted*

At the moment I'm sitting on my couch letting VH1 Soul watch me while I try and figure this shit out.  I really want to go into his room, press pause on his Looney Tunes DVD, and ask exactly why a baby coming out of your ass is less gross that pushing one the normal way? Because in my opinion it soooooo isn't.  But I know it's going to lead to another conversation that's gonna leave me confused and with more questions, so why bother?  I'll ask the only other adult in the house, surely he'll be able to help me understand the goings on of a 6 year olds mind.

We'll call him Hubby.  Our conversation went like this:

Me: Do you think that a baby coming out of an ass is less gross than natural childbirth?
Hubby: Uhhhh...yeah.
Me: Seriously?  Childbirth, the way that it is, is a beautiful thing.*
Hubby: Yeah, I'm serious.  That shit is gross.  You didn't have to look at it.  I did. *puke face* *shiver*
Me: What did it look like?
Hubby: What? The baby coming out?
Me: Yes.
Hubby: *silence* *blank stare* *shiver* I can't really say because I've blocked it out.  Don't ask again, please.
Me:

Well, that was a bust.  So, here I am, sitting on my couch.  Now NCIS is watching me.  I'm not surprised that both of the XY's think that a baby coming out of one's ass is less gross than actual childbirth.  Men would never think that there's anything great about it.  Not even a kid who thinks you get pregnant by eating special foods that make babies grow in your belly.  Which, now that I think about it, totally goes with his shit 'em out theory!

See? This is what I'm talking about.  He's 6! But he's coming up with theories on things that he knows nothing about that totally makes sense when you put them together even though they are completely crazy and wrong!  This is what I get for reading and letting him listen to classical music in utero.  Next time, I'm dumbing the kid down.  I'm only reading Dick & Jane books and letting the kid listen to Souljah Boy.  I'll be damned if I end up with another one like this in the house with me.  I refuse to be the dumbest person in my own home.

*: I don't really think this.  I personally think pregnancy and childbirth are horrible.  The getting there? GREAT!  The end result? AWESOME! The in-between? *barf*