Well, Christmas is officially over!! Hip hip hooray!! I guess I can crawl out of my hole now. I'll be honest and say that my day wasn't too bad. It was actually much better than I thought it would be. Definitely much better than the past few. My son is definitely one of the reasons why. He was extra excited this year about Santa coming. Which is odd because he's never been a big believer. He knows his parents, grandparents, and other family members give him gifts, Santa was just the cherry on top who brought a couple of special extras. This year was different though. He talked more about the jolly old elf coming to our home. He didn't tell me what he wanted Mommy and Daddy to get him for Christmas, as a matter of fact, we were taken completely out of the equation. This year he wrote a very specific list of items that he wanted Santa to bring. We were very surprised when he brought it to us to review. We had the following conversation about it:
Him: Mama, Daddy I need you to check something out for me.
Me: Really? What is it?
Him: It's my letter to Santa.
Hubby: Letter? That's not a letter. That's a list.
Him: Um, Daddy...stay with me.
Hubby: But a letter for Santa says "Dear Santa". Yours doesn't.
Him: Seriously, Daddy? I don't have to say "Dear Santa", Santa knows it's for him. Who else is a list of toys gonna be for? *exasperated sigh*
Me: We're getting off track people. What's the letter for?
Hubby: Yeah, get em on track because shit is about to get very unmerry for somebody...
So before the conversation results in a trip to the ER for the kid I intervene and actually look at the "letter". It's actually a damn itemized list of toys, games, and puzzles that are "must haves" for him. Seriously, I don't know who taught him how to write in outline format, but I swear he had everything in order. I'm talking stuff like "Bioncles - red, green, blue, gold", "Transformers - Old school Bumblebee", "games for my Wii - fun". So, I'm looking at this list 20 or so items and thinking that my son must really think that we live above the poverty line. We've really got him fooled. So I ask:
Me: What happens if Santa doesn't get you everything on this list?
Him: That's not gonna happen. Each toy is something that I really, really, really need. Especially the Bionicles and the Transformers. He knows.
Me: But what if he doesn't.
Him: *deep thought* Well, this is what we'll do. YOU can take it to work and make a copy. We keep the copy and send the one I wrote to Santa. That way we can check off everything that he gets me.
Me: But what if everything doesn't get checked off?
Him: I won't be happy Mama. I'll be vehwee, vehwee upset. So that's how I know that he will.
Me: *blank stare*
Okay. I'm not sure when my child became The Godfather. It obviously happened sometime between Thanksgiving and the first two weeks of December. But, it's looking like he's ready to extort Santa for some Leggos and shit. I'm not sure I'm with this, but I'm afraid I'll end up with horse's head in my bed. As I sit there contemplating whether or not I want to ride with this little gangster, I'm also wondering what the hell Drake & Josh, Big Time Rush, and Phineas and Ferb have been teaching my poor, sweet little lamb. No way he could've come up with this on his own. What to do? What to do? I guess I could warn Santa that his shins are in grave danger if stuff doesn't turn out like the kid wants. But since I'M Mrs. Claus and I already know the danger my husband is in, how do I handle this? What to do?!
Well, dammit I did what any self respecting parent would do when her spouse is in danger. He got everything on that damn list. Look, don't judge me. Don't judge me because I had to do some colossal hoe shit to make sure he had it all. Don't judge me because I turned into the Christmas parent that I'm always talking about. I wasn't thinking about all that. I was thinking about my health and well being, I was thinking about the safety of my spouse. I'm already in a damn boot. I can't take anymore set backs folks!
Plus, I'm a sucker for that kids smile. He was super amped yesterday. So, it was worth it. No bah humbugs here. Oh, in case you were wondering, yes, yes he did recall everything that was on his list. He said, "Wow. I got everything I asked for! Plus some stuff I didn't ask for."
Me: I know, right? You must have been a good boy this year.
Him: Well...I wasn't too bad. I guess Santa knows what I like.
Me: Yep. I guess he does.
Him: Well, everything except clothes. Who gives that for a gift? *stink face*
Me: SMH
I know I'm a day late, but happy holidays folks.
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