Wide World of Sports Presents....

OK so when I saw the title to this video I assumed that it would be chock full of dope fiends shot putting or throwing javelins for a nice chunk of that white.  Boy was I wrong!



That's what I get for making ASSumptions right?  Here I was thinking that crackheads were going to show us their athletic prowess and gazelle like moves.  Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.  A crackhead is one of the strongest, fastest creatures on Earth.  Don't front like you've never seen one work the sitting room of a beauty shop or barber shop faster with skilled tactical precision.  Don't sit there and pretend like you've never seen one detail a car, cut your front and back yard, and paint your garage faster than the speed of sound.  Don't act like last seasons wardrobe wasn't supplemented by some clothing from Nordstrom or Macy's that you purchased out a grocery cart.  Shit.

Anyway, like I was saying, here I was thinking that the crackheads were going to be the tossers and it turns out that this clown is the tossee!!! O.M.G.!!!!  Seriously? This grown ass man seriously let another grown ass man pick his ass up and toss him over ------------------------------------------------->there? 

And why did the tossee try to make himself more aerodynamic by sticking his arms out to the side?  But apparently he remembered some shit from his physics classes because he sure enough sailed almost 2 times further than he did when he used the "curl up and protect your ass from the landing" technique.

Oh, and don't think I missed the fact that the winning tosser was missing approximately 1/3 of his choppers.  This leads me to believe that he was actually a crackhead too.  And they were likely tossing the little one to see who he would share his work with.  Look, I know that I'm judging that man for his poor dentition.  He could have lost those teeth in a bar fight or something.  But honestly, who do you know other than a person who's BFF's name is CrackMethHeroin would think that it's acceptable to walk around looking like the Lincoln Tunnel was rerouted through his grill?  Ummm hmmm, that's what I thought.

Damn shame.  This piss poor economy has led even crackheads to stoop to these types creative bartering techniques.  Something has got to give!  But, I have a feeling that things are going to get worse before they get better.  And that probably means that a normal walk down your street will involve a crackhead or two falling from the sky because they are being tossed from rooftops and competing to see which one bounces the highest. 

Possible Tee Shirt Option...

Personally, I'm disappointed.  I wanted to see some real live hood Olympics type shit.  I want to see some sprints.  An obstacle course.  A crackhead go-cart grand prix.  I mean, if you are going to participate in these types of shenanigans you should do it big!!  Pull out the grill and make some change feeding spectators.  Sell t-shirts.  Sell boosted clothing and electronics.  Have a parade, invite Charlie Sheen to be the Grand Marshal.

I mean if homeless folks can have a World Cup, why can't the crackhead have something special to call their own?  Let them be great.  That's all I'm saying.

*sigh*

I'm honestly not too outdone by this video though.  I've definitely seen worse crackhead behavior so I won't be saving this video in the End of Days file. 

[DISCLAIMER] As a former D.A.R.E. representative if feel it's my duty to say that I don't support the use of drugs.  Drugs are bad.  They make you do very dumb shit.  Like willingly be chucked through the air.  By a grown man.  For the entertainment of folk like me.

Shout out to "The Gladiator" for sending this foolishness into my world. 

(source)