You know what? I think I'd rather watch Mr.PhatLips pole dance for the Lord than deal with this foolishness.
Then again, maybe he can use this track for his next interpretative piece...
(source)
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Ummmm.....Amen?
So some friends and I were talking about this Pole Dancin' for Jesus class the other day. Honestly, it was kind of hard to wrap my mind around the idea of it. Maybe it's because in most of the strip clubs I've ever been to there's nothing really holy going on. So it's kind of hard to reconcile the idea of bringing church there.
I really didn't think much of it because it seemed to be a novel idea that probably wouldn't go further than that gym in Texas. Boy was I wrong....
(source)
O...M...freaking...G!!!!!!
I have so many questions!!!
Am I supposed to take this guy seriously? Did I really just see this so-and-so work that pole like one of Magic City's finest...for Jesus? Where did he learn how to do this? Why is the pole sitting by the front door? Is this how Christians greet their guests in 2011? Do you have to climb to the top and drop into a split while praying before you can take a seat or be offered libations? Is this some new millienium praise dancing? If so, what part of the bible is he interpreting for us? 'Cause I surely don't recall a Book of Bullshit...but I haven't read my copy of the Dead Sea Scrolls lately so I can't say for sure that that book does not exist.
When I go to church on Sunday will Pastor be introducing "The Ass-Clappin' Angels" or some other high-flying, lap dancing, praise dancing troupe? Will the deacons be making it rain on the alter? Will I need to pack extra dollars for a special building fund collection? I need to know now. Because I'm liable to fall out if I see it. And it won't be because of the Holy Ghost.
Look, I don't wanna knock this man's ministry but....something in the milk ain't clean! And honestly it's not just because of the pole. It's because it's a DUDE. A DUDE working the pole...for Jesus. Not saying that a broad giving it all she's got for the Good Lord is a good thing but...it's not a DUDE! Then again it could be I'm just a little jelly. I can hardly do a push-up, so I damn sure know I can't do what he just did...
I take that back. I know I could, but there would be lots of alcohol and debauchery involved. Definitely no Jesus. And it wouldn't be caught on tape. Tee's ho shit is for mental recall only.
I swear I don't know what to do with this. He's praising the Lord in his own way so I don't want to say that he shouldn't but....I really don't think he should be doing this. Am I wrong? What do you good people think? Is pole dancing for Jesus a good thing? Or is this dude just a heathen trying to hustle his way into Heaven with some foolishness?
I really didn't think much of it because it seemed to be a novel idea that probably wouldn't go further than that gym in Texas. Boy was I wrong....
(source)
O...M...freaking...G!!!!!!
I have so many questions!!!
Am I supposed to take this guy seriously? Did I really just see this so-and-so work that pole like one of Magic City's finest...for Jesus? Where did he learn how to do this? Why is the pole sitting by the front door? Is this how Christians greet their guests in 2011? Do you have to climb to the top and drop into a split while praying before you can take a seat or be offered libations? Is this some new millienium praise dancing? If so, what part of the bible is he interpreting for us? 'Cause I surely don't recall a Book of Bullshit...but I haven't read my copy of the Dead Sea Scrolls lately so I can't say for sure that that book does not exist.
When I go to church on Sunday will Pastor be introducing "The Ass-Clappin' Angels" or some other high-flying, lap dancing, praise dancing troupe? Will the deacons be making it rain on the alter? Will I need to pack extra dollars for a special building fund collection? I need to know now. Because I'm liable to fall out if I see it. And it won't be because of the Holy Ghost.
Look, I don't wanna knock this man's ministry but....something in the milk ain't clean! And honestly it's not just because of the pole. It's because it's a DUDE. A DUDE working the pole...for Jesus. Not saying that a broad giving it all she's got for the Good Lord is a good thing but...it's not a DUDE! Then again it could be I'm just a little jelly. I can hardly do a push-up, so I damn sure know I can't do what he just did...
I take that back. I know I could, but there would be lots of alcohol and debauchery involved. Definitely no Jesus. And it wouldn't be caught on tape. Tee's ho shit is for mental recall only.
I swear I don't know what to do with this. He's praising the Lord in his own way so I don't want to say that he shouldn't but....I really don't think he should be doing this. Am I wrong? What do you good people think? Is pole dancing for Jesus a good thing? Or is this dude just a heathen trying to hustle his way into Heaven with some foolishness?
Friday, March 18, 2011
YouTube Foolishness: That's Crack...Not a Blarney Stone
I meant to post this yesterday, but I was on some other stuff and fell asleep before the street lights came on. A post I saw on my FB newsfeed reminded me though.
It's a day late, but you'll get over it once you check out this oldie but goodie. Real live Irish foolishness in the middle of the hood.
Things about this video that KILL.ME.DEAD:
It's a day late, but you'll get over it once you check out this oldie but goodie. Real live Irish foolishness in the middle of the hood.
Things about this video that KILL.ME.DEAD:
- "I want dat gold!!"
- The leprechaun flute. Passed down from from his Irish ancestors. Hilarious.
- "It could be a crackhead dat got aholt of the wrong stuff!!!"
- That damn eyewitness sketch!!! Lawd hammercy it brings me to tears err time!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
That's What You Get!!
My insomina was rewarded when I found the following gift in my inbox. Thanks to The Gladiator for this little piece of heaven.
I'm totally anti-bully. As a person of a smaller stature, I know what it's like to have people pick on you just because it seems like an easy win. And as a person of a smaller stature I totally understand how the video below got to the point that it did.
On any given day, you could ask my brain how tall I am and it would give you a severe *side-eye* and say "Can't you see? Tee is 10 feet tall." You can't tell me that I'm not head and shoulders above all folks walking on these streets right now.
And my attitude reflects this.
But my brain will also tell me when I'm about to do some very, very stupid shit. And since I'm not stupid, like the kid in this video, I usually pause and reflect on the dumb shit that I'm about to do. It usually works, sometimes it doesn't, my criminal record* reflects that.
Anyway, like I said, I'm not stupid. I may talk a lot of shit. Most times I can back it up on my lonesome, but I know when to seek assistance. And by assistance I mean a big stick or a brick. Lil' man in the video should have listened to his brain...
(source)
I didn't mean to laugh, but....oh hell, yes I did. Homeboy got ROCKED! And you can really tell that the other kid didn't want to do it. He was forced. It was self-defense. And THAT'S why this was extra hilarious. The little one really thought he had a win, started dancing like he was Mayweather and errthang. *snicker*
In my head I imagine that the conversation leading up to this incident went like this:
Backstory: The little one, Pee Wee, has been messing with the big one, Baby Huey, for weeks now. Tossing paper clips at his head, stealing his lunch money, talking about his Mama, pinching him and shit. Baby Huey never reacts. This has made Pee Wee grow very, very, very big balls.
Pee Wee: 'Sup Huey, I told you in 3rd period I was gonna end your life today!
(Pee Wee's brain: Dude...he's kinda huge...I don't know...)
Baby Huey: Hi.
Pee Wee: Hi? That's all you have to say when I'm about to send you home crying to your big, fat Mommy?
(Pee Wee's brain: His MOM?! Oh shit..hes gonna kill you! Stop!)
Baby Huey: Don't talk about my Mom.
Pee Wee: FUCK your Mama! Your Mama is soooo UGLY, you Daddy had to visit her at the Zoo to go on dates!!
(Pee Wee's brain: Dude...stop. Cease and desist. You don't have to do this!! Just keep cussin and back away slowly...)
Baby Huey: That's really not nice.
Pee Wee: Not nice? Imma show you not nice! *one punch* *two punch* *three punch* *four....*
(Pee Wee's brain: Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Run dude!! RUN!! OH SHIT!! I'm upside down...I don't think I'm supposed to bounce around like that! Man down! Man down!)
So Pee Wee didn't listen to his brain. He listened his friends and he ended up with a damn TBI after getting choke slammed on the hard concrete.
I wonder if he could even rember his name after that jostling? Probably not. But I bet you I know a name he will never forget in his lifetime: Baby freakin' Huey. He shut shit down. And he didn't say one word.
Nothing good can come from picking on folks. Nothing good at all. Even if you think you are the biggest and baddest kid on the block, reconsider bothering people just because you want to be entertained. Because it is usually YOU who become the entertainment for people like me. And I promise you Pee Wee, I'm going to be laughing at you for a very long time.
I hope that little pint-sized jackass Pee Wee has learned his lesson.
I hope that school has a video yearbook or a time machine that they can put this in and preserve it for all of eternity. EVERYBODY needs to see this and see that bullying is so not worth it. Especially not if you want to be able to spend your life concussion free.
I'm totally anti-bully. As a person of a smaller stature, I know what it's like to have people pick on you just because it seems like an easy win. And as a person of a smaller stature I totally understand how the video below got to the point that it did.
On any given day, you could ask my brain how tall I am and it would give you a severe *side-eye* and say "Can't you see? Tee is 10 feet tall." You can't tell me that I'm not head and shoulders above all folks walking on these streets right now.
And my attitude reflects this.
But my brain will also tell me when I'm about to do some very, very stupid shit. And since I'm not stupid, like the kid in this video, I usually pause and reflect on the dumb shit that I'm about to do. It usually works, sometimes it doesn't, my criminal record* reflects that.
Anyway, like I said, I'm not stupid. I may talk a lot of shit. Most times I can back it up on my lonesome, but I know when to seek assistance. And by assistance I mean a big stick or a brick. Lil' man in the video should have listened to his brain...
(source)
I didn't mean to laugh, but....oh hell, yes I did. Homeboy got ROCKED! And you can really tell that the other kid didn't want to do it. He was forced. It was self-defense. And THAT'S why this was extra hilarious. The little one really thought he had a win, started dancing like he was Mayweather and errthang. *snicker*
In my head I imagine that the conversation leading up to this incident went like this:
Backstory: The little one, Pee Wee, has been messing with the big one, Baby Huey, for weeks now. Tossing paper clips at his head, stealing his lunch money, talking about his Mama, pinching him and shit. Baby Huey never reacts. This has made Pee Wee grow very, very, very big balls.
Pee Wee: 'Sup Huey, I told you in 3rd period I was gonna end your life today!
(Pee Wee's brain: Dude...he's kinda huge...I don't know...)
Baby Huey: Hi.
Pee Wee: Hi? That's all you have to say when I'm about to send you home crying to your big, fat Mommy?
(Pee Wee's brain: His MOM?! Oh shit..hes gonna kill you! Stop!)
Baby Huey: Don't talk about my Mom.
Pee Wee: FUCK your Mama! Your Mama is soooo UGLY, you Daddy had to visit her at the Zoo to go on dates!!
(Pee Wee's brain: Dude...stop. Cease and desist. You don't have to do this!! Just keep cussin and back away slowly...)
Baby Huey: That's really not nice.
Pee Wee: Not nice? Imma show you not nice! *one punch* *two punch* *three punch* *four....*
(Pee Wee's brain: Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Run dude!! RUN!! OH SHIT!! I'm upside down...I don't think I'm supposed to bounce around like that! Man down! Man down!)
So Pee Wee didn't listen to his brain. He listened his friends and he ended up with a damn TBI after getting choke slammed on the hard concrete.
I wonder if he could even rember his name after that jostling? Probably not. But I bet you I know a name he will never forget in his lifetime: Baby freakin' Huey. He shut shit down. And he didn't say one word.
Nothing good can come from picking on folks. Nothing good at all. Even if you think you are the biggest and baddest kid on the block, reconsider bothering people just because you want to be entertained. Because it is usually YOU who become the entertainment for people like me. And I promise you Pee Wee, I'm going to be laughing at you for a very long time.
I hope that little pint-sized jackass Pee Wee has learned his lesson.
I hope that school has a video yearbook or a time machine that they can put this in and preserve it for all of eternity. EVERYBODY needs to see this and see that bullying is so not worth it. Especially not if you want to be able to spend your life concussion free.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Conversations With My Son: Does He See What I See?
I'm getting LASIK! I'm so happy. I can't wait to get rid of my glasses. The Kid isn't really feeling it though.
Me: Hooray!! I'm going to have surgery!! I won't need glasses anymore!!
Him: Surgery?
Me: Yep! The doctor is going to use a laser to reshape my eyeballs and make me see clearer! Awesome right?
Him: Uh...sure.
Me: You don't think that's awesome?
Him: I mean. It's okay I guess...what are you going to do with your glasses?
Me: I don't know, I won't need them.
Him: So you won't wear them anymore?
Me: No. I won't need them.
Him: I like your glasses.
Me: You do?
Him: Yes. I think you are very pretty with your glasses.
Me: Awwww! How sweet! Do you think I'm pretty without them?
Him: *silence*
Me: Hello!?!?! Did you hear me? Do you think I'm pretty without them?
Him: Well...yeah. But I like the glasses better.
Me: Why?
Him: Because they cover your face.
I tell you what people. If I didn't have any self-esteem, this kid would have me looking for some rope and an empty closet. What the hell?
Me: Hooray!! I'm going to have surgery!! I won't need glasses anymore!!
Him: Surgery?
Me: Yep! The doctor is going to use a laser to reshape my eyeballs and make me see clearer! Awesome right?
Him: Uh...sure.
Me: You don't think that's awesome?
Him: I mean. It's okay I guess...what are you going to do with your glasses?
Me: I don't know, I won't need them.
Him: So you won't wear them anymore?
Me: No. I won't need them.
Him: I like your glasses.
Me: You do?
Him: Yes. I think you are very pretty with your glasses.
Me: Awwww! How sweet! Do you think I'm pretty without them?
Him: *silence*
Me: Hello!?!?! Did you hear me? Do you think I'm pretty without them?
Him: Well...yeah. But I like the glasses better.
Me: Why?
Him: Because they cover your face.
I tell you what people. If I didn't have any self-esteem, this kid would have me looking for some rope and an empty closet. What the hell?
Random Thoughts: Education Connection
Today's Random Thought is brought to you by the letter E.
It was inspired by this commercial that I've been seeing for the past several months. I know you all have seen this before. Every time I see it I giggle. Because Kelly, really thinks she's jamming. All while dressed like she works in Mel's Diner and serving up a platter full of ketchup and mustard. And because the little ditty she's singing sounds like it was produced by Soulja Boy. It's like a high school level Conjunction Junction. How dreadful.
It's actually kind of insulting that the person in charge of creating this foolishness really thinks that this little girl posing as the long lost white member of The Sugar Hill Gang doing some low budget karoke will make people want to learn. Well, it's insulting to me. I'm sure there where thousands of people watching this at the same time that I was that said, "Damn! Now THAT'S a good idea!!"
The dehumanization (is that a word?) of education really makes me sad. You go to this website, fill out a questionnaire, and be matched to the online program that is right for you. It's like eHarmony and Match.com, but instead of an MRS you get a BS or MD. I'm sure it's a good way to go for some but...I would want to do more to personalize my education experience than choosing a cute wallpaper design for my profile.
I think some people are missing out on some of the best parts of going farther than living room for school. This new way to learn is killing the real-world skills of our youth. All they know how to do know is poke, tag, inbox, and IM. If any of them had to actually socialize with people in person they would probably piss their pants.
Remember when people actually visited schools to see what they had to offer? When the performance of the basketball and/or football team was a factor in your choice? When getting back to your dorm room from the local watering required you to use all the physics, algebra, and geometry you had learned during the week? When you had to actually look your professor in the eye to lie to him about why you didn't have your paper completed on time?
Shit is different.
I blame MySpace.
It was inspired by this commercial that I've been seeing for the past several months. I know you all have seen this before. Every time I see it I giggle. Because Kelly, really thinks she's jamming. All while dressed like she works in Mel's Diner and serving up a platter full of ketchup and mustard. And because the little ditty she's singing sounds like it was produced by Soulja Boy. It's like a high school level Conjunction Junction. How dreadful.
It's actually kind of insulting that the person in charge of creating this foolishness really thinks that this little girl posing as the long lost white member of The Sugar Hill Gang doing some low budget karoke will make people want to learn. Well, it's insulting to me. I'm sure there where thousands of people watching this at the same time that I was that said, "Damn! Now THAT'S a good idea!!"
The dehumanization (is that a word?) of education really makes me sad. You go to this website, fill out a questionnaire, and be matched to the online program that is right for you. It's like eHarmony and Match.com, but instead of an MRS you get a BS or MD. I'm sure it's a good way to go for some but...I would want to do more to personalize my education experience than choosing a cute wallpaper design for my profile.
I think some people are missing out on some of the best parts of going farther than living room for school. This new way to learn is killing the real-world skills of our youth. All they know how to do know is poke, tag, inbox, and IM. If any of them had to actually socialize with people in person they would probably piss their pants.
Remember when people actually visited schools to see what they had to offer? When the performance of the basketball and/or football team was a factor in your choice? When getting back to your dorm room from the local watering required you to use all the physics, algebra, and geometry you had learned during the week? When you had to actually look your professor in the eye to lie to him about why you didn't have your paper completed on time?
Shit is different.
I blame MySpace.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Tattoo Fail of the Millenium NSFW!!!
Dear Friends,
The following tattoo is the WORST I've ever seen in my whole entire life, the life I had before, and the life I'll have after. I really don't have any words to describe the level of ridiculousness in the following video. You'll see. Be forewarned this is NOT safe for work.
(source)
OK let's discuss.
Did you see that shit? So at first I thought that the tattoo on her back was the problem and I was confused. I mean it's kind of wack, but not too crazy.
Then she dropped her draws....
Oh. Em. Gee!!!
Seriously? Does this heffa seriously have her whole twat covered up with a member of the animal kingdom? And it's not even a regular cat! Like it could have been a Morris the Cat or Hello Kitty. Hell, I'd even accept Snagglepuss! At least our favorite ghey kitty walks the town with a song in his heart and a smile on his face.
Anything is better than the creep show that she's rocking right now. That is a complete and utter mess.
If you can get past the fact that she has a cat emblazened across her vulva, I'd like you to take note of the actual artwork. Do you see those angry eyes? Those teeth? I wonder what the hell she was smoking when this bright idea popped in her head? Probably a delightful meth/crack/paint fume cocktail. That mess will have you doing all kinds of unsavory shit. Like tatting a cat on your wahoo.
I hope she got exactly what she envisioned in her mind. But I'm pretty sure she didn't. I'm sure in her mind she saw something super sexy. I believe that angry the cat that she is showing off was supposed to come across dark and sultry. Like CatWoman or Cheetara. Instead she got a Sleepwalker!!
And don't think that I missed those paws coming out of her hips. She really stepped up the crazy quotient with that. SMH With the placement of those paws the creepy cat face tattoo becomes the tattoo of the angry cat ripping it's way out of her uterus. No bueno.
This right here has surpassed any other horrible tattoo I've ever seen in my life. And I've seen some pretty horrible stuff. This is worse than that dude that smelled "Bitchs". It's worse than Gucci Mane's phallic ice cream cone. It's worse than having a Mighty Duck reside on your left cheek (I see you Yung LA). I would gladly accept a few more of those over this shit right here.
Oh and I really love the makeup guys commentary when talking on the phone to someone who I assume is the producer or director of the porn she's trying to be cast for. I can tell that he totally understands the feelings that I'm feeling right now. Disgust. Dismay. Fear. Sadness. All of that is showing on his face. And right now, it's showing up on mine too.
In a word, this is some bullshit. Somebody should call shenanigans on this poor misled young lady's life. She damn sure needs a do-over.
But I know she wouldn't use it. She's planning on making it worse. She's going to pierce herself so it looks like the angry cat has a tongue. *blank stare* She's probably going to inspire a whole generation of dumbasses to anime their genitalia. All I know is if I see any pictures of a dude with the cast of Dragon Ball Z on his peen I'm calling it quits. I mean that. I can't take much more of this kind of foolishness people. I just can't.
By the way, those high winds you've been feeling weren't being stirred up by El Nino. That was good Lord shaking his head vigorously while contemplating hitting the reset button on his universal stopwatch. Get your lives right people.
For those of you keeping count: this is sign #486840306043319999.5 that the world is coming to an end.
The following tattoo is the WORST I've ever seen in my whole entire life, the life I had before, and the life I'll have after. I really don't have any words to describe the level of ridiculousness in the following video. You'll see. Be forewarned this is NOT safe for work.
(source)
OK let's discuss.
Did you see that shit? So at first I thought that the tattoo on her back was the problem and I was confused. I mean it's kind of wack, but not too crazy.
Then she dropped her draws....
Oh. Em. Gee!!!
Seriously? Does this heffa seriously have her whole twat covered up with a member of the animal kingdom? And it's not even a regular cat! Like it could have been a Morris the Cat or Hello Kitty. Hell, I'd even accept Snagglepuss! At least our favorite ghey kitty walks the town with a song in his heart and a smile on his face. Anything is better than the creep show that she's rocking right now. That is a complete and utter mess.
If you can get past the fact that she has a cat emblazened across her vulva, I'd like you to take note of the actual artwork. Do you see those angry eyes? Those teeth? I wonder what the hell she was smoking when this bright idea popped in her head? Probably a delightful meth/crack/paint fume cocktail. That mess will have you doing all kinds of unsavory shit. Like tatting a cat on your wahoo.
What I'd really like to know is who in the hell did this to her? I my mind I imagine that any artist willing to do this kind of shit would have to have had a big ole bowl of Wheaties sprinkled with crack before pulling his tattoo gun out. You would have to be some kind of high to say "OK" when a broad walks into your shop and says, "I'm looking for guy who can put a cat on my cat...get it?"
 |
| Sleepwalkers...classic movie. Google it. |
I don't know about you, but I'd be pissed.
Please believe me when I tell you: If I were a dude, there's absolutely no way I would allow my old friend Mr. Johnson to pay Miss Kitty a visit. No way in hell. Not even a quick wave from the porch across the street. It looks like anything that gets close to that thing will be chewed up like it was in a trash compactor. No ma'am. I'm sure there's not a penis in the world that would entertain an angry cat with teeth.
And don't think that I missed those paws coming out of her hips. She really stepped up the crazy quotient with that. SMH With the placement of those paws the creepy cat face tattoo becomes the tattoo of the angry cat ripping it's way out of her uterus. No bueno.
This right here has surpassed any other horrible tattoo I've ever seen in my life. And I've seen some pretty horrible stuff. This is worse than that dude that smelled "Bitchs". It's worse than Gucci Mane's phallic ice cream cone. It's worse than having a Mighty Duck reside on your left cheek (I see you Yung LA). I would gladly accept a few more of those over this shit right here.
Oh and I really love the makeup guys commentary when talking on the phone to someone who I assume is the producer or director of the porn she's trying to be cast for. I can tell that he totally understands the feelings that I'm feeling right now. Disgust. Dismay. Fear. Sadness. All of that is showing on his face. And right now, it's showing up on mine too.
In a word, this is some bullshit. Somebody should call shenanigans on this poor misled young lady's life. She damn sure needs a do-over.
But I know she wouldn't use it. She's planning on making it worse. She's going to pierce herself so it looks like the angry cat has a tongue. *blank stare* She's probably going to inspire a whole generation of dumbasses to anime their genitalia. All I know is if I see any pictures of a dude with the cast of Dragon Ball Z on his peen I'm calling it quits. I mean that. I can't take much more of this kind of foolishness people. I just can't.
By the way, those high winds you've been feeling weren't being stirred up by El Nino. That was good Lord shaking his head vigorously while contemplating hitting the reset button on his universal stopwatch. Get your lives right people.
For those of you keeping count: this is sign #486840306043319999.5 that the world is coming to an end.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Wide World of Sports Presents....
OK so when I saw the title to this video I assumed that it would be chock full of dope fiends shot putting or throwing javelins for a nice chunk of that white. Boy was I wrong!
That's what I get for making ASSumptions right? Here I was thinking that crackheads were going to show us their athletic prowess and gazelle like moves. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. A crackhead is one of the strongest, fastest creatures on Earth. Don't front like you've never seen one work the sitting room of a beauty shop or barber shop faster with skilled tactical precision. Don't sit there and pretend like you've never seen one detail a car, cut your front and back yard, and paint your garage faster than the speed of sound. Don't act like last seasons wardrobe wasn't supplemented by some clothing from Nordstrom or Macy's that you purchased out a grocery cart. Shit.
Anyway, like I was saying, here I was thinking that the crackheads were going to be the tossers and it turns out that this clown is the tossee!!! O.M.G.!!!! Seriously? This grown ass man seriously let another grown ass man pick his ass up and toss him over ------------------------------------------------->there?
And why did the tossee try to make himself more aerodynamic by sticking his arms out to the side? But apparently he remembered some shit from his physics classes because he sure enough sailed almost 2 times further than he did when he used the "curl up and protect your ass from the landing" technique.
Oh, and don't think I missed the fact that the winning tosser was missing approximately 1/3 of his choppers. This leads me to believe that he was actually a crackhead too. And they were likely tossing the little one to see who he would share his work with. Look, I know that I'm judging that man for his poor dentition. He could have lost those teeth in a bar fight or something. But honestly, who do you know other than a person who's BFF's name is CrackMethHeroin would think that it's acceptable to walk around looking like the Lincoln Tunnel was rerouted through his grill? Ummm hmmm, that's what I thought.
Damn shame. This piss poor economy has led even crackheads to stoop to these types creative bartering techniques. Something has got to give! But, I have a feeling that things are going to get worse before they get better. And that probably means that a normal walk down your street will involve a crackhead or two falling from the sky because they are being tossed from rooftops and competing to see which one bounces the highest.
Personally, I'm disappointed. I wanted to see some real live hood Olympics type shit. I want to see some sprints. An obstacle course. A crackhead go-cart grand prix. I mean, if you are going to participate in these types of shenanigans you should do it big!! Pull out the grill and make some change feeding spectators. Sell t-shirts. Sell boosted clothing and electronics. Have a parade, invite Charlie Sheen to be the Grand Marshal.
I mean if homeless folks can have a World Cup, why can't the crackhead have something special to call their own? Let them be great. That's all I'm saying.
*sigh*
I'm honestly not too outdone by this video though. I've definitely seen worse crackhead behavior so I won't be saving this video in the End of Days file.
[DISCLAIMER] As a former D.A.R.E. representative if feel it's my duty to say that I don't support the use of drugs. Drugs are bad. They make you do very dumb shit. Like willingly be chucked through the air. By a grown man. For the entertainment of folk like me.
Shout out to "The Gladiator" for sending this foolishness into my world.
(source)
That's what I get for making ASSumptions right? Here I was thinking that crackheads were going to show us their athletic prowess and gazelle like moves. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. A crackhead is one of the strongest, fastest creatures on Earth. Don't front like you've never seen one work the sitting room of a beauty shop or barber shop faster with skilled tactical precision. Don't sit there and pretend like you've never seen one detail a car, cut your front and back yard, and paint your garage faster than the speed of sound. Don't act like last seasons wardrobe wasn't supplemented by some clothing from Nordstrom or Macy's that you purchased out a grocery cart. Shit.
Anyway, like I was saying, here I was thinking that the crackheads were going to be the tossers and it turns out that this clown is the tossee!!! O.M.G.!!!! Seriously? This grown ass man seriously let another grown ass man pick his ass up and toss him over ------------------------------------------------->there?
And why did the tossee try to make himself more aerodynamic by sticking his arms out to the side? But apparently he remembered some shit from his physics classes because he sure enough sailed almost 2 times further than he did when he used the "curl up and protect your ass from the landing" technique.
Oh, and don't think I missed the fact that the winning tosser was missing approximately 1/3 of his choppers. This leads me to believe that he was actually a crackhead too. And they were likely tossing the little one to see who he would share his work with. Look, I know that I'm judging that man for his poor dentition. He could have lost those teeth in a bar fight or something. But honestly, who do you know other than a person who's BFF's name is CrackMethHeroin would think that it's acceptable to walk around looking like the Lincoln Tunnel was rerouted through his grill? Ummm hmmm, that's what I thought.
Damn shame. This piss poor economy has led even crackheads to stoop to these types creative bartering techniques. Something has got to give! But, I have a feeling that things are going to get worse before they get better. And that probably means that a normal walk down your street will involve a crackhead or two falling from the sky because they are being tossed from rooftops and competing to see which one bounces the highest.
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| Possible Tee Shirt Option... |
I mean if homeless folks can have a World Cup, why can't the crackhead have something special to call their own? Let them be great. That's all I'm saying.
*sigh*
I'm honestly not too outdone by this video though. I've definitely seen worse crackhead behavior so I won't be saving this video in the End of Days file.
[DISCLAIMER] As a former D.A.R.E. representative if feel it's my duty to say that I don't support the use of drugs. Drugs are bad. They make you do very dumb shit. Like willingly be chucked through the air. By a grown man. For the entertainment of folk like me.
Shout out to "The Gladiator" for sending this foolishness into my world.
(source)
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
What Looks Like Crazy On An Ordinary Day
Charlie Sheen (nee' Carlos Estevez) is a lunatic. I've been saying it for years. He has crazy in his eyes. That said...I think I love him. I love everything about him. I love those crazy eyes. That sallow skin. That hair. I am amused by most everything that comes out of his mouth. I really shouldn't be this entertained by someones mental breakdown.
I will say this though...I totally believe that he is completely clean and sober right now. That's why all of his crazy is showing. He's not dropping shrooms and drinking gallons of Jim Beam to keep those voices at bay. Now he's pulling a Nicki Minaj and letting all them folks in his head have their damn way! And I for one totally support it. Why? We have a lot of stuff in common. I mean, I'm no crack addict but I am addicted to a drug called Tee. Tee is quite addictive, one hit of it will melt your face off and cause your kids to cry over your exploded body. Tee is also a total bitchin' rockstar from Mars.
I also support this guy because he has some astronomical self-esteem, it just happens to be swarthed and swaddled in a fluffy blanket of cuh-ray-zee. Also, because some of the shit he's saying actually makes sense to me...which begs the question "Tee, are YOU crazy?" It's likely, but my mental health team hasn't given me any concrete diagnoses yet so let's just focus on Carlos.
In case you missed it, here's some o the gold his been leaving in his wake on the interview circuit lately....
The Today Show
The Alex Jones Show - 02.24.11
Drug addiction cured in a nanosecond? WINNING!!!
The Dan Patrick Show - Part 1
Smoking crack socially is okay when you know what you're doing?
The Dan Patric Show - Part 2
"beer drunks are worse than vodka drunks...vodka drunks are more linear..."
Good Morning America 02.28.11
And if you can't access videos from where you are sitting right now, you might want to check out Live The Sheen Dream, some genuis has compiled all of my favorite Sheen quotes in one place. It's already in my favorites. So is this one, they are calling it Tiger Blood World Tour 2011. Or play Ghaddafi vs. Sheen and see which insane narcissist really rules the universe.
Lord knows I shouldn't get so much pleasure from this fool. I should be praying for his health and well being, instead I'm hoping he let some ridiculousness loose on the airwaves last night while I was sleeping. And I know I'm not the only one.
So, I'll just sit here and wait. And hopefully the Rapture won't come until everything on Carlos' agenda is marked complete.
I will say this though...I totally believe that he is completely clean and sober right now. That's why all of his crazy is showing. He's not dropping shrooms and drinking gallons of Jim Beam to keep those voices at bay. Now he's pulling a Nicki Minaj and letting all them folks in his head have their damn way! And I for one totally support it. Why? We have a lot of stuff in common. I mean, I'm no crack addict but I am addicted to a drug called Tee. Tee is quite addictive, one hit of it will melt your face off and cause your kids to cry over your exploded body. Tee is also a total bitchin' rockstar from Mars.
I also support this guy because he has some astronomical self-esteem, it just happens to be swarthed and swaddled in a fluffy blanket of cuh-ray-zee. Also, because some of the shit he's saying actually makes sense to me...which begs the question "Tee, are YOU crazy?" It's likely, but my mental health team hasn't given me any concrete diagnoses yet so let's just focus on Carlos.
In case you missed it, here's some o the gold his been leaving in his wake on the interview circuit lately....
The Today Show
The Alex Jones Show - 02.24.11
Drug addiction cured in a nanosecond? WINNING!!!
The Dan Patrick Show - Part 1
Smoking crack socially is okay when you know what you're doing?
The Dan Patric Show - Part 2
"beer drunks are worse than vodka drunks...vodka drunks are more linear..."
Good Morning America 02.28.11
And if you can't access videos from where you are sitting right now, you might want to check out Live The Sheen Dream, some genuis has compiled all of my favorite Sheen quotes in one place. It's already in my favorites. So is this one, they are calling it Tiger Blood World Tour 2011. Or play Ghaddafi vs. Sheen and see which insane narcissist really rules the universe.
Lord knows I shouldn't get so much pleasure from this fool. I should be praying for his health and well being, instead I'm hoping he let some ridiculousness loose on the airwaves last night while I was sleeping. And I know I'm not the only one.
So, I'll just sit here and wait. And hopefully the Rapture won't come until everything on Carlos' agenda is marked complete.
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