Ummmmm.....thanks?

So today some friends and I were talking about compliments.  We had run across a blog were the girl was super upset that someone had called her "cute".  Apparently, because she was a grown ass woman being called anything but "grown and sexy" is offensive.

I can dig it.  There are a lot of things that people call me that I don't particularly care for.  One of them is "shawty".  I happen to be on the smaller end of the stature stick, but there's not reason for folks to be rubbing it in my face.  I have to own up to it every time my 7 year old has to get something off the top shelf for me.  OK, so I know it's some pseudo term of endearment for folks that live down South, but damn, some of us are sensitive. Shit.

Anyway, I don't particularly think "cute" is a bad word.  Mainly, because I think I'm cute.  I have a delightfully appealing face.  I'm just that awesome.  If more people in the world were as cute as me, we would have world peace and the economy would stabilize. 

Alright, I'm getting off topic.  My awesomeness is not what I wanted to talk about today.  What I wanted to say was, sometimes people think that they are giving you a compliment when it could quite possibly be the absolute wrong thing to say.

For example, today I wore my hair wrapped.  Think Erykah Badu in the "On and On" video, but not as huge.  Anyway, a coworker says to me "Tee, I love your headpiece.  You look so warm and interesting.  You always put yourself together so well."

Warm and interesting? What the fuck does that mean?

Warm and interesting? What the hell do you do with that?  Most of you would say "say thank you you dumbass", but I really didn't want to.

Why?

Because I'm me.  And I know that when I say things like a person looks "warm and interesting" it really means that they look like a hot, steaming, fresh pile of shit.  Warm and interesting sounds like a way a dude would describe his girlfriends homely roommate when he's trying to hook her up with one of his friends.  Warm and interesting is eating a nice, hot plate of mystery meat.  Warm and interesting are fighting words.  A damn declaration of war.  That's what the hell warm and interesting are.  Shit.

And I was kind of offended by the "you put yourself together so well" comment too.  I mean, we were at work.  The fuck I'm supposed to do? Come in there looking like I was rooming under the overpass with Ted Williams?  I work in a professional environment, looking put together is part of my job.  Tomorrow, I'm going to wear a pair of pajama pants and my son's Transformer house slippers.  See what she thinks about that.

I'm sure I'm being overly sensitive.  My husband thinks that I am.  I guess I should concentrate on the fact that what she said was positive overall.  But, whatever for that.  From now on I'm going to be dropping all kinds of underhanded jewels on her ass.  She's not going to know what hit her.

And I would totally rock Hubby's oversensitive argument if a different coworker hadn't come to me about an hour later with this foolishness: "Tee.  You look so pretty! I love those colors in your headwrap.  You look very African!"

Say what?

Really, ma'am? Really?  I mean, in case you haven't noticed I'm black.  At last count, I'd been black all my life.  I look African every damn day.

Seriously though.  Where do I find the compliment in that?  I need someone to show me. Because if I had said some shit like, "Guten Tag, Betsey.  You looking really German today" somebody would have filed a grievance on me.

Now for those of you that know me in real life, you know that NOT saying what I wanted to say was hard.  Acting with tact and diplomacy in these types of situations is rather difficult for me. 

You know that if this had happened over on MLK, Jr. Boulevard things would have been way different.  I totally would have given those old hoes an epic beatdown. Verbally and otherwise.

The world would've been 2 grandmas short.  That's all I'm saying.

You people need to get your acts together.  You can't just be popping off with this kind of shit all willy nilly.  It takes skill and complete disregard for humankind and their feelings to combine a bullshit compliment with a lightweight diss and come up with something so devasting that it makes your self-esteem dig a hole to China. 

If you can't do that, just keep your piehole shut.  You're only going to piss me off.