SISNS: The Inaugural Edition

The following foolishness has inspired a new blog post category: Shit I Should Never See or SISNS for short.  Now I'm sure you are going to say, "But Tee....most everything on your blog will fit into that category." And you would be correct.  But I've decided to reserve this particular segment for photos of ridiculousness sent to my inbox.  So if you happen to run across some tomfoolery and shenanigans in jpeg form, send it to me and we'll share it with the world. 

For some reason, I'm thinking that it's going to be a whole lot of apocalyptic bullshit in my inbox in the very near future.  You all can try and prove me wrong if you want to.  But I've been in the game a long time.  I know I'm right.

Anyway, I believe that this right here is an awesome way to start off this little social experiment.  I believe you'll agree with me when I say that this right here is some shit that I should never, ever, ever see.  Never in this life or the one beyond.  The following is by far one of the dumbest, most ignorant, shameful things I've witnessed since I hit these innanets way back in the 90s.

*blink blink*

Soooo.....this is what we're doing now people? This is what we are flossin' via our Old Navy v-necks and Forever 21 tees? 

There are so many things wrong with this picture, but how about we start with the most obvious: the fact that somebodies dumb ass can't spell.  Now, I'm no Wiz Khalifa but I have a couple pieces and I know for a fact that the artist asks you about a million times if everything is spelled correctly before they start working.  So how the hell did we get STARRING? Starring.  Seriously ma'am? Starring?  As in "them floppy ass jugs of yours are starring in the worst damn titty tattoo since titties were invented"?

I'm quite sure that you meant STARING.  And since we are on the subject...what exactly are your mammories looking at? Because they are suffering from a classic case of wonkiness dear.  I'm getting all kinds of Cookie Monster vibes.  No bueno.

I also find it hard to believe that you didn't know that folks would be staring at your dumb ass for putting two extra areolas on your titties.  Who wouldn't stare at that shit?  Right now I'm staring at the picture and wondering what the fuck your thought process was when you did this to yourself.  I'm staring at it and praying for our future generations.  I'm staring at it and hoping that no other variations of this colossal tattoo fail exist.  I'm staring and hoping the universe gets a do over.  I'm staring and praying that this doesn't cause a malfunction on God's End of Days stopwatch.

Exactly how much Boone's Farm and meth did your ass have to ingest for you to think that this was ever okay?  There's nothing right about this.  Seriously, even a baby being whose only way of being nourished is being fed from those thangs would give you a strong *side-eye* and WTF before they considered latching on.

This much I know is true: your friends and family don't like you.  If they did we wouldn't be sitting here with me telling your simple ass basic stuff like "never tattoo misspelled words and eyeballs on your bosom".  A real friend would have never cosigned on these kinds of shenanigans.  A real friend would have talked so greasy to you when the idea came up that you would cringe whenever the thought of it entered your brain.  No ma'am.  I hate to break this news to you, but your people might even hate you.  Because anyone with a little bit of love for you wouldn't have taken this picture and posted it on these innanets.  No there can't possibly be any love involved in this right here.  None what-so-ever.  Especially love for self.  This right here should be considered self-mutilation.  People that like themselves don't do this.



Under Dog says:It's for mankind that I shed a tear! And it's because of this shit right here!

I'm sure finding out that your friends hate you was a shocker.  And I really hate to be bearing all this bad news, but you also need to know that nobody was staring at your titties before you got that heinous tattoo.  They aren't even good jugs.  They look like freakin' hound dog ears.  Just laying there all lifeless, mopey, and depressed.  Nobody likes unhappy boobs.  Instead of walking around like you are carrying Under Dog in your top you should perk them shits up.  A good bra, some lotion, some bronzer even.  Then maybe folks will stare at you for reasons other than pity and disbelief. 
Honestly, if I were you, I'd invest in a lifetime supply of turtlenecks, scarves, overalls, ascots, and bibs. That foolishness right there should never in your life see another ray of sunshine.  But I know you are going to keep it on display.  You wouldn't have gotten it if you didn't want people to see.  So I have one request for you: could you tattoo some tears under those eyeballs?  Because you are killing me.

Oh, and for those of you keeping count, this is reason #39583492821354(ii) that the end of the world is near. *sigh*