YouTube Shenanigans: Father's Day PSA

Today is Father's Day.

All around the country people will be honoring their fathers with greeting cards, cookouts, neck ties, and 3 packs of underwear. They'll be thanking fathers for teaching us life lessons that prevent people from maiming, mauling, and devouring us like they do the weakest of the herd. Showing our appreciation for instilling in us how to use our God given common sense.

My father taught me and my siblings all kinds of stuff. Because of my father I know how to landscape a lawn, tie a sailor's knot, make a 4 course meal for 6 on a $25 budget, and take a person who is 3 times bigger than me down with 3 well placed punches.

One of the most important lessons that we ever learned was "Don't make me look like a damn fool out in public".  For most of you that may be pretty straight forward and simple and for that trip, however long it was, you were on your best behavior.  But for Daddy, in addition to that it also meant: "Don't embarrass me and your mother by getting caught out there doing dumb shit".

Every time I power up my Dell, I am reminded that all children are not taught this lesson.

For example:



Oh. OK.
So, just so we are clear. Homegirls vagina ain't handicap. I'm glad she let us know. Because whenever I see folks riding big on their Hoveround's and shit that's the FIRST thing I think is "I wonder what that vagina do?" Ain't nothing like a little paraplegia to get those juices flowing. Nah mean?

Did she really say she got the coldest coochie AND the hottest parking spots though? And what about "like my momma said eat your vegetables"?

I can't. I just fucking can't. I don't give a shit if she's in a wheelchair, walking on stilts, or literally has two damn left feet and has to walk around on her elbows. Nothing about this is acceptable.  Like do you know how bad life would be for me if I made a video talking about I can't move my knees but I can take it all day?

Nah, my father taught me well. I don't get caught on tape doing shit that will make him want to 1-2 step on my dome. No thanks.

You guys out there have to father your children.  You have to teach them how to move out here in these streets.  You have to show your daughters that ridiculous acts of thirst and desperation are not the way to go.   Tell your sons that tatting a warlock on his face is not the best way to get attention.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all of the fathers that care about the way that the world sees you.  The one's who spend quality time with their kids and make sure that they aren't posting shit on these innanets that make people think that YOU are crazy for raising such a mucked up kid. 

Thank you for being a life-sized delete button on some of these piss poor ideas your kids saw fit to try and share with the world.  I appreciate you.