Real Talk: Are You There God? It's Me...Tee.

It's official. I need to make some changes in my life.

I've been trying to write this post for a few days.  I don't really know what to say.  I can come up with 35 wpm when it comes to fuckery and foolishness, but my real life issues? I'd rather not say a word about it.

I guess you could say I'm a pretty private person.  

No, I am a severely private person.  I can count on one hand the number of people that know something inherently personal about me that I shared with them (rumors don't count).  I just don't make a habit of talking about me.  This means nobody really knows what my real fears are, what my real dreams are, or even how I'm really feeling about life on any given day.

I pretty much subscribe a universal nunya policy.  Meaning: it's nunya damn business unless Tee wants to share.  And I usually don't want to.

Which leads me to this post.  Over the past few weeks I've had several different people tell me the exact same thing about me.  Some of these people don't know each other.  And the ones that know each other don't talk to each other in a way that they would share information.

So...how would they know to give me the same exact message?!

I can only put that on God.  I said a prayer a few months ago.  I won't go in to complete detail about what I prayed for but direction and confirmation where in there somewhere. 

So what was the message? Well, apparently people think I should write.  Blog, books, articles, and shit like that. Imagine that.  What's funny about this is, I kind of always wanted to be a writer or at least work in the literary industry in some capacity, editing or proofing or something. But I've always been too afraid to really go after that dream.

Why?

Because me and failure ain't friends.

I'm deathly afraid of things not working out for me.  So much so, that I'd rather not try something than to say I couldn't complete it. The fact that I'm even sharing this kind of pisses me off.  But I feel like if I say this "out loud" one of y'all will hold me accountable.  You'll ask me a question about progress.  You'll call me out for inactivity.  You'll make me feel all silly and I'll HAVE to do something. 

Unless I don't. Which could happen. Because like I said sometimes I let fear dictate my decisions.

So, I'm going to make a promise to myself right now.  I'm at least going to try.  I have no idea where to start.  I'm clueless on what to write about. But I'm going to try.

In the meantime in between time, maybe ya'll could help me.  Give me some ideas.  Maybe that will spark something in this cavernous hole where Tee's brain should be. Virtually give me a kick in the butt.  And I do mean virtually, because if any of you try it in real life you gonna be hobbling around on one leg for the rest of your days. 

I'll try to have something complete before the countdown clock hits zero and the end of days is here. Ices Brown is gonna make this hard for me so I know I'm gonna have to step my keystroke game all the way up.