Special Request #1

Woop! Woop! I got my first topic request! I'm not sure why this excites me so.  I guess knowing that people really care about what's floating around in my head is an upper for me.  I'll be sure to make note of this for future therapy appointments. 

Anyway, this is how it's going to go.  I'm going to respond to all requests as best I can as honestly as I can.  Please remember that these are MY thoughts and opinions and they do not reflect those of anyone that I know or love. 

Today I've decided to respond to the question a la "Dear Abby".  And before you ask, no this is not how the question came to me.  But I'm gonna need for you to not judge my attempts at journalistic greatness.  Please and thanks. 
__________________________________________________________________________

Dear Tee,

I hope all is well with you.  I recently had a debate on my FB page about R. Kelly and his foolishness.  I was wondering what your thoughts are on the guy?

Signed,
CHL

Dear CHL,

Greetings!! All is well with me.  Well, that's not true.  My ass is still stinging a little bit from the news that I won't be getting a raise for the next few years.  And I'm recovering from a panic attack because I've just been informed that I have to wear a damn boot on my ankle for the next 4 weeks.  But that's not what we're here to talk about is it? Oh yeah,  R. Kelly. 

Here's the thing.  I don't hate the guy.  I just don't like him.  He's probably a really nice dude.  A nice dude with a proclivity for romancing underaged tang.  But we all have our vices don't we?  I just don't understand how people never even stopped to consider that type of music this guy was putting out.  It's like a musical handbook for underaged loving.  Stay with me for a minute while I provide examples:

1. Born Into the 90's - interesting name for an album...is he talking about folks actually born IN the 90's.
2. Age Ain't Nothin' But a Number - he produced this for Aaliyah...we all know how that turned out.
3. 12 Play - interesting number to use don't you think?

LOL I just tickled myself writing that list.  LMAO Anyway, like I said before, I don't hate the guy.  I'm just not a fan.  I don't understand how a man can be a KNOWN statutory rapist and nobody says anything because he's a "musical genius".  Which I find questionable anyway, especially after that "Trapped in the Closet" ridiculousness. 

However, this is where the story get's interesting CHL. I didn't even realize this until my husband, the awesome, wonderful man that he is pointed it out to me.  I'm a hypocrite.  I STAN for Michael Joseph Jackson (R.I.P.).  I think he's the GOAT.  There is no star, male or female, that is more awesome that him.  I LOVE him, his music, his noses, and his lacefront wigs.  That whole amusement park to lure kids in, calling himself Peter Pan, climbing trees, drinking Jesus juice, and the trial did nothing to deter my love for him.  But apparently, he had a proclivity for little boys.  And I still think he's a musical genious.  So why don't I care for R. Kelly?  Who am I to judge him for what he's done, when I didn't judge MJJ?  What's the difference between their alleged crimes other than the sex of the victims?  And the piss?

This answer is, and this is some pretty deep shit so pay attention: I DON'T KNOW.  I have no idea why I feel like I do about R. Kelly's music.  I just know that everything that he's put out since that video surfaced makes me feel icky.  No way I can feel romantic when all I think about is him singing to one of my 15 year old cousins and trying to get in their draws.  But from this point on I'm going to try not to judge.  Not because I care about how Mr. Kelly will feel about me listening to his music.  But because I don't wanna be called a hypocrite ever again in life.  That shit hurts. LOL

Thank you for your question CHL.  I'm sure I didn't answer it in that rambling manifesto.  But I appreciate you trusting me enough to ask my opinion. :-)

Yours Truly,
Tee

P.S.  My wonderful and awesome husband just spent the past 15 minutes reading off all of the people that R. Kelly has written or produced for, Michael Joseph Jackson was a repeat customer.  Some of the songs are some of my faves.  I've decided to throw in the towel.  So disregard everything I wrote above.  I appreciate your understanding.

The End Is Near...

This is it people! You best get your lives right because the rapture is upon us. I know you're thinking "But Tee, how can you say that? How do you know the world is going to end?"

Well, it's quite simple people: Nicki Minaj. This grown ass woman who wears nahlata hair and an ass larger Texas while calling herself Barbie, is the catalyst for Armageddon. Nicki just doesn't do it for me. All that "yah yah yah Nicki rah rah rah Young Money" shit is more than a little bit nerve wrecking. But something happened on my long drive home on the Beltway. This "Right Through Me" song I'm hearing is...different. She actually seems like she took her normal dose of meds before she got in the booth. Now don't get me wrong, what she is saying isn't profound. She'll never be a Lauryn or an Erykah, but dammit...I like the song! At first I was in denial. I tried to say it was because of that carmel drop of blue eyed awesomeness that plays her leading man in the video that makes me sit up and pay attention everytime it comes on. But I can no longer lie to myself. I, Tee, lover of all things musical and most things foolish have officially crossed over into the Nicki Minaj "like" lane. But I guess considering how I just described myself, this is appropriate behavior. Hopefully, this is just a phase. If you see my old ass prancing around in Booty Pop panties, a tutu, and a pink and green wig you have my permission to take me down Jet Li style and cart me off to the nearest mental healthcare facility.

Global warming, catastrophic natural disasters, Sarah Palin. The fact that these things exist should be clues that we are in our last days. This crossover for me is another one. Shit is real. Make amends and say your prayers folks. That's all I have to say.

YouTube Shenanigans

While most people spend their down time doing productive shit like reading, writing, and raising their children, I surf YouTube for foolishness, tomfoolery, and shenanigans.  The following video is all three rolled into one.



This guy just singlehandedly set my people back a zillion years.  I fully expect to see a story about Jim Crow being reinstated and where to pick up my shackles on the news tomorrow.  Thanks kid.

Why Can't I Quit You?

I hate Facebook.  I really fuckin do.  Everyday I get on there is some kind of epic ridiculousness going on in someone's status or photo album that should make me wanna cry and stage an intervention.  But instead I LOL and look at the shit over and over and over again. 

It's like driving past a really bad car accident.  You see the mangled wreckage and KNOW that somebody needs help.  But instead of doing what's right you just drive past slowly and say, "Damn. That looks bad.  Hope everything is okay." When you know that it's absolutely not okay.  But you don't stop, you just watch, and then tell all your friends about the wreckage you saw when you were driving home from work.

Everyday I learn about somebodies no good ass man who's been cheating on them with their best friend AND their sister.  But if you wait a couple of days how he is such a good man and how in love they are with each other. How someone is gonna get SOOOOO high that they are probably gonna pass the fuck out...but they hope they get that job they are gonna be dropping piss for the next day.  How someone is so hood rich that they can't help but spend all their bread on Goochie (Gucci), Looie (Louis Vuitton), (TRUs)True Religion, and Muskahtoe (Moscato).  But they don't spend enough to know how to spell any of it and they still live in their Mama's basement. UGH!!

But, but wait it gets worse! *Sticky Fingaz voice* What about the e-gangsters who are e-beefing and e-set trippin via wall messages and inboxes? WTF? When exactly do you have time to bang? When all your ass is doing is sending IMs all day? Double UGH!!

I'm probably coming across bougie as hell right now. And I'm sure somebody, somewhere is calling me a hater (post on that coming soon).  Can't say that I care though because most of these people know better and the rest of them should. Yes, Facebook is a sharing place, but that doesn't mean that you should use it as a replacement for therapy, Ashley Madison :-/, eHarmony, or your cities Most Wanted site.  But I know that you won't.  I know that you will keep doing what you're doing and causing irritation to the members of society that have good common damn sense. 

I hate Facebook. I really do. It's one HUGE 400 million car pile up.  I know I should look away and call for help.  But I can't, I just can't.  I blame MySpace. ;-) LOL

And so it begins...

So this is my first foray in the blogging thing.  I have no clue what I'm going to be writing about.  I'm sitting on my couch watching Avatar. The REAL one, with Aang, Zuko, and the rest of the awesome element bending cast of characters.  Not that weird movie about the giant blue creatures that swindled everyone out of their money under the guise that it was a really good movie. 

Anyway, as I sit here eating my bowl of Cap'n Crunch and watching this little Asian superhero try and save the world I ponder what my topics will be.  But I can't come up with anything.  So this thing will probably be as random as everything else in my life.  There is no rhyme or reason to most of the things I do...so why should a blog be any different right?

So that's that. I've made my first official blogger decision. Can't say that it was life changing. There was no bright light flashing or music playing in the background.  Damn.  Not that I was expecting it or anything but that kind of thing would be nice every once in a while.

OK I've rambled enough.  Welcome to my world.  There are no real rules here.  Well, there is one:  tell the truth.  I promise I'll do that, even when it hurts. ;-) Also, full disclosure: I have a serious potty mouth.  There will be lots of bitches, hoes, scallywags, and muhfuckas used here.  If you're not into that...turn around now.

Now that we have the rules and shit out of the way: welcome! Shoot me some emails and comments and lets get the conversations started.