Thursday, March 10, 2011
Tattoo Fail of the Millenium NSFW!!!
Dear Friends,
The following tattoo is the WORST I've ever seen in my whole entire life, the life I had before, and the life I'll have after. I really don't have any words to describe the level of ridiculousness in the following video. You'll see. Be forewarned this is NOT safe for work.
(source)
OK let's discuss.
Did you see that shit? So at first I thought that the tattoo on her back was the problem and I was confused. I mean it's kind of wack, but not too crazy.
Then she dropped her draws....
Oh. Em. Gee!!!
Seriously? Does this heffa seriously have her whole twat covered up with a member of the animal kingdom? And it's not even a regular cat! Like it could have been a Morris the Cat or Hello Kitty. Hell, I'd even accept Snagglepuss! At least our favorite ghey kitty walks the town with a song in his heart and a smile on his face.
Anything is better than the creep show that she's rocking right now. That is a complete and utter mess.
If you can get past the fact that she has a cat emblazened across her vulva, I'd like you to take note of the actual artwork. Do you see those angry eyes? Those teeth? I wonder what the hell she was smoking when this bright idea popped in her head? Probably a delightful meth/crack/paint fume cocktail. That mess will have you doing all kinds of unsavory shit. Like tatting a cat on your wahoo.
I hope she got exactly what she envisioned in her mind. But I'm pretty sure she didn't. I'm sure in her mind she saw something super sexy. I believe that angry the cat that she is showing off was supposed to come across dark and sultry. Like CatWoman or Cheetara. Instead she got a Sleepwalker!!
And don't think that I missed those paws coming out of her hips. She really stepped up the crazy quotient with that. SMH With the placement of those paws the creepy cat face tattoo becomes the tattoo of the angry cat ripping it's way out of her uterus. No bueno.
This right here has surpassed any other horrible tattoo I've ever seen in my life. And I've seen some pretty horrible stuff. This is worse than that dude that smelled "Bitchs". It's worse than Gucci Mane's phallic ice cream cone. It's worse than having a Mighty Duck reside on your left cheek (I see you Yung LA). I would gladly accept a few more of those over this shit right here.
Oh and I really love the makeup guys commentary when talking on the phone to someone who I assume is the producer or director of the porn she's trying to be cast for. I can tell that he totally understands the feelings that I'm feeling right now. Disgust. Dismay. Fear. Sadness. All of that is showing on his face. And right now, it's showing up on mine too.
In a word, this is some bullshit. Somebody should call shenanigans on this poor misled young lady's life. She damn sure needs a do-over.
But I know she wouldn't use it. She's planning on making it worse. She's going to pierce herself so it looks like the angry cat has a tongue. *blank stare* She's probably going to inspire a whole generation of dumbasses to anime their genitalia. All I know is if I see any pictures of a dude with the cast of Dragon Ball Z on his peen I'm calling it quits. I mean that. I can't take much more of this kind of foolishness people. I just can't.
By the way, those high winds you've been feeling weren't being stirred up by El Nino. That was good Lord shaking his head vigorously while contemplating hitting the reset button on his universal stopwatch. Get your lives right people.
For those of you keeping count: this is sign #486840306043319999.5 that the world is coming to an end.
The following tattoo is the WORST I've ever seen in my whole entire life, the life I had before, and the life I'll have after. I really don't have any words to describe the level of ridiculousness in the following video. You'll see. Be forewarned this is NOT safe for work.
(source)
OK let's discuss.
Did you see that shit? So at first I thought that the tattoo on her back was the problem and I was confused. I mean it's kind of wack, but not too crazy.
Then she dropped her draws....
Oh. Em. Gee!!!
Seriously? Does this heffa seriously have her whole twat covered up with a member of the animal kingdom? And it's not even a regular cat! Like it could have been a Morris the Cat or Hello Kitty. Hell, I'd even accept Snagglepuss! At least our favorite ghey kitty walks the town with a song in his heart and a smile on his face. Anything is better than the creep show that she's rocking right now. That is a complete and utter mess.
If you can get past the fact that she has a cat emblazened across her vulva, I'd like you to take note of the actual artwork. Do you see those angry eyes? Those teeth? I wonder what the hell she was smoking when this bright idea popped in her head? Probably a delightful meth/crack/paint fume cocktail. That mess will have you doing all kinds of unsavory shit. Like tatting a cat on your wahoo.
What I'd really like to know is who in the hell did this to her? I my mind I imagine that any artist willing to do this kind of shit would have to have had a big ole bowl of Wheaties sprinkled with crack before pulling his tattoo gun out. You would have to be some kind of high to say "OK" when a broad walks into your shop and says, "I'm looking for guy who can put a cat on my cat...get it?"
 |
| Sleepwalkers...classic movie. Google it. |
I don't know about you, but I'd be pissed.
Please believe me when I tell you: If I were a dude, there's absolutely no way I would allow my old friend Mr. Johnson to pay Miss Kitty a visit. No way in hell. Not even a quick wave from the porch across the street. It looks like anything that gets close to that thing will be chewed up like it was in a trash compactor. No ma'am. I'm sure there's not a penis in the world that would entertain an angry cat with teeth.
And don't think that I missed those paws coming out of her hips. She really stepped up the crazy quotient with that. SMH With the placement of those paws the creepy cat face tattoo becomes the tattoo of the angry cat ripping it's way out of her uterus. No bueno.
This right here has surpassed any other horrible tattoo I've ever seen in my life. And I've seen some pretty horrible stuff. This is worse than that dude that smelled "Bitchs". It's worse than Gucci Mane's phallic ice cream cone. It's worse than having a Mighty Duck reside on your left cheek (I see you Yung LA). I would gladly accept a few more of those over this shit right here.
Oh and I really love the makeup guys commentary when talking on the phone to someone who I assume is the producer or director of the porn she's trying to be cast for. I can tell that he totally understands the feelings that I'm feeling right now. Disgust. Dismay. Fear. Sadness. All of that is showing on his face. And right now, it's showing up on mine too.
In a word, this is some bullshit. Somebody should call shenanigans on this poor misled young lady's life. She damn sure needs a do-over.
But I know she wouldn't use it. She's planning on making it worse. She's going to pierce herself so it looks like the angry cat has a tongue. *blank stare* She's probably going to inspire a whole generation of dumbasses to anime their genitalia. All I know is if I see any pictures of a dude with the cast of Dragon Ball Z on his peen I'm calling it quits. I mean that. I can't take much more of this kind of foolishness people. I just can't.
By the way, those high winds you've been feeling weren't being stirred up by El Nino. That was good Lord shaking his head vigorously while contemplating hitting the reset button on his universal stopwatch. Get your lives right people.
For those of you keeping count: this is sign #486840306043319999.5 that the world is coming to an end.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Wide World of Sports Presents....
OK so when I saw the title to this video I assumed that it would be chock full of dope fiends shot putting or throwing javelins for a nice chunk of that white. Boy was I wrong!
That's what I get for making ASSumptions right? Here I was thinking that crackheads were going to show us their athletic prowess and gazelle like moves. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. A crackhead is one of the strongest, fastest creatures on Earth. Don't front like you've never seen one work the sitting room of a beauty shop or barber shop faster with skilled tactical precision. Don't sit there and pretend like you've never seen one detail a car, cut your front and back yard, and paint your garage faster than the speed of sound. Don't act like last seasons wardrobe wasn't supplemented by some clothing from Nordstrom or Macy's that you purchased out a grocery cart. Shit.
Anyway, like I was saying, here I was thinking that the crackheads were going to be the tossers and it turns out that this clown is the tossee!!! O.M.G.!!!! Seriously? This grown ass man seriously let another grown ass man pick his ass up and toss him over ------------------------------------------------->there?
And why did the tossee try to make himself more aerodynamic by sticking his arms out to the side? But apparently he remembered some shit from his physics classes because he sure enough sailed almost 2 times further than he did when he used the "curl up and protect your ass from the landing" technique.
Oh, and don't think I missed the fact that the winning tosser was missing approximately 1/3 of his choppers. This leads me to believe that he was actually a crackhead too. And they were likely tossing the little one to see who he would share his work with. Look, I know that I'm judging that man for his poor dentition. He could have lost those teeth in a bar fight or something. But honestly, who do you know other than a person who's BFF's name is CrackMethHeroin would think that it's acceptable to walk around looking like the Lincoln Tunnel was rerouted through his grill? Ummm hmmm, that's what I thought.
Damn shame. This piss poor economy has led even crackheads to stoop to these types creative bartering techniques. Something has got to give! But, I have a feeling that things are going to get worse before they get better. And that probably means that a normal walk down your street will involve a crackhead or two falling from the sky because they are being tossed from rooftops and competing to see which one bounces the highest.
Personally, I'm disappointed. I wanted to see some real live hood Olympics type shit. I want to see some sprints. An obstacle course. A crackhead go-cart grand prix. I mean, if you are going to participate in these types of shenanigans you should do it big!! Pull out the grill and make some change feeding spectators. Sell t-shirts. Sell boosted clothing and electronics. Have a parade, invite Charlie Sheen to be the Grand Marshal.
I mean if homeless folks can have a World Cup, why can't the crackhead have something special to call their own? Let them be great. That's all I'm saying.
*sigh*
I'm honestly not too outdone by this video though. I've definitely seen worse crackhead behavior so I won't be saving this video in the End of Days file.
[DISCLAIMER] As a former D.A.R.E. representative if feel it's my duty to say that I don't support the use of drugs. Drugs are bad. They make you do very dumb shit. Like willingly be chucked through the air. By a grown man. For the entertainment of folk like me.
Shout out to "The Gladiator" for sending this foolishness into my world.
(source)
That's what I get for making ASSumptions right? Here I was thinking that crackheads were going to show us their athletic prowess and gazelle like moves. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. A crackhead is one of the strongest, fastest creatures on Earth. Don't front like you've never seen one work the sitting room of a beauty shop or barber shop faster with skilled tactical precision. Don't sit there and pretend like you've never seen one detail a car, cut your front and back yard, and paint your garage faster than the speed of sound. Don't act like last seasons wardrobe wasn't supplemented by some clothing from Nordstrom or Macy's that you purchased out a grocery cart. Shit.
Anyway, like I was saying, here I was thinking that the crackheads were going to be the tossers and it turns out that this clown is the tossee!!! O.M.G.!!!! Seriously? This grown ass man seriously let another grown ass man pick his ass up and toss him over ------------------------------------------------->there?
And why did the tossee try to make himself more aerodynamic by sticking his arms out to the side? But apparently he remembered some shit from his physics classes because he sure enough sailed almost 2 times further than he did when he used the "curl up and protect your ass from the landing" technique.
Oh, and don't think I missed the fact that the winning tosser was missing approximately 1/3 of his choppers. This leads me to believe that he was actually a crackhead too. And they were likely tossing the little one to see who he would share his work with. Look, I know that I'm judging that man for his poor dentition. He could have lost those teeth in a bar fight or something. But honestly, who do you know other than a person who's BFF's name is CrackMethHeroin would think that it's acceptable to walk around looking like the Lincoln Tunnel was rerouted through his grill? Ummm hmmm, that's what I thought.
Damn shame. This piss poor economy has led even crackheads to stoop to these types creative bartering techniques. Something has got to give! But, I have a feeling that things are going to get worse before they get better. And that probably means that a normal walk down your street will involve a crackhead or two falling from the sky because they are being tossed from rooftops and competing to see which one bounces the highest.
 |
| Possible Tee Shirt Option... |
I mean if homeless folks can have a World Cup, why can't the crackhead have something special to call their own? Let them be great. That's all I'm saying.
*sigh*
I'm honestly not too outdone by this video though. I've definitely seen worse crackhead behavior so I won't be saving this video in the End of Days file.
[DISCLAIMER] As a former D.A.R.E. representative if feel it's my duty to say that I don't support the use of drugs. Drugs are bad. They make you do very dumb shit. Like willingly be chucked through the air. By a grown man. For the entertainment of folk like me.
Shout out to "The Gladiator" for sending this foolishness into my world.
(source)
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
What Looks Like Crazy On An Ordinary Day
Charlie Sheen (nee' Carlos Estevez) is a lunatic. I've been saying it for years. He has crazy in his eyes. That said...I think I love him. I love everything about him. I love those crazy eyes. That sallow skin. That hair. I am amused by most everything that comes out of his mouth. I really shouldn't be this entertained by someones mental breakdown.
I will say this though...I totally believe that he is completely clean and sober right now. That's why all of his crazy is showing. He's not dropping shrooms and drinking gallons of Jim Beam to keep those voices at bay. Now he's pulling a Nicki Minaj and letting all them folks in his head have their damn way! And I for one totally support it. Why? We have a lot of stuff in common. I mean, I'm no crack addict but I am addicted to a drug called Tee. Tee is quite addictive, one hit of it will melt your face off and cause your kids to cry over your exploded body. Tee is also a total bitchin' rockstar from Mars.
I also support this guy because he has some astronomical self-esteem, it just happens to be swarthed and swaddled in a fluffy blanket of cuh-ray-zee. Also, because some of the shit he's saying actually makes sense to me...which begs the question "Tee, are YOU crazy?" It's likely, but my mental health team hasn't given me any concrete diagnoses yet so let's just focus on Carlos.
In case you missed it, here's some o the gold his been leaving in his wake on the interview circuit lately....
The Today Show
The Alex Jones Show - 02.24.11
Drug addiction cured in a nanosecond? WINNING!!!
The Dan Patrick Show - Part 1
Smoking crack socially is okay when you know what you're doing?
The Dan Patric Show - Part 2
"beer drunks are worse than vodka drunks...vodka drunks are more linear..."
Good Morning America 02.28.11
And if you can't access videos from where you are sitting right now, you might want to check out Live The Sheen Dream, some genuis has compiled all of my favorite Sheen quotes in one place. It's already in my favorites. So is this one, they are calling it Tiger Blood World Tour 2011. Or play Ghaddafi vs. Sheen and see which insane narcissist really rules the universe.
Lord knows I shouldn't get so much pleasure from this fool. I should be praying for his health and well being, instead I'm hoping he let some ridiculousness loose on the airwaves last night while I was sleeping. And I know I'm not the only one.
So, I'll just sit here and wait. And hopefully the Rapture won't come until everything on Carlos' agenda is marked complete.
I will say this though...I totally believe that he is completely clean and sober right now. That's why all of his crazy is showing. He's not dropping shrooms and drinking gallons of Jim Beam to keep those voices at bay. Now he's pulling a Nicki Minaj and letting all them folks in his head have their damn way! And I for one totally support it. Why? We have a lot of stuff in common. I mean, I'm no crack addict but I am addicted to a drug called Tee. Tee is quite addictive, one hit of it will melt your face off and cause your kids to cry over your exploded body. Tee is also a total bitchin' rockstar from Mars.
I also support this guy because he has some astronomical self-esteem, it just happens to be swarthed and swaddled in a fluffy blanket of cuh-ray-zee. Also, because some of the shit he's saying actually makes sense to me...which begs the question "Tee, are YOU crazy?" It's likely, but my mental health team hasn't given me any concrete diagnoses yet so let's just focus on Carlos.
In case you missed it, here's some o the gold his been leaving in his wake on the interview circuit lately....
The Today Show
The Alex Jones Show - 02.24.11
Drug addiction cured in a nanosecond? WINNING!!!
The Dan Patrick Show - Part 1
Smoking crack socially is okay when you know what you're doing?
The Dan Patric Show - Part 2
"beer drunks are worse than vodka drunks...vodka drunks are more linear..."
Good Morning America 02.28.11
And if you can't access videos from where you are sitting right now, you might want to check out Live The Sheen Dream, some genuis has compiled all of my favorite Sheen quotes in one place. It's already in my favorites. So is this one, they are calling it Tiger Blood World Tour 2011. Or play Ghaddafi vs. Sheen and see which insane narcissist really rules the universe.
Lord knows I shouldn't get so much pleasure from this fool. I should be praying for his health and well being, instead I'm hoping he let some ridiculousness loose on the airwaves last night while I was sleeping. And I know I'm not the only one.
So, I'll just sit here and wait. And hopefully the Rapture won't come until everything on Carlos' agenda is marked complete.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
SISNS: The Inaugural Edition
The following foolishness has inspired a new blog post category: Shit I Should Never See or SISNS for short. Now I'm sure you are going to say, "But Tee....most everything on your blog will fit into that category." And you would be correct. But I've decided to reserve this particular segment for photos of ridiculousness sent to my inbox. So if you happen to run across some tomfoolery and shenanigans in jpeg form, send it to me and we'll share it with the world.
For some reason, I'm thinking that it's going to be a whole lot of apocalyptic bullshit in my inbox in the very near future. You all can try and prove me wrong if you want to. But I've been in the game a long time. I know I'm right.
Anyway, I believe that this right here is an awesome way to start off this little social experiment. I believe you'll agree with me when I say that this right here is some shit that I should never, ever, ever see. Never in this life or the one beyond. The following is by far one of the dumbest, most ignorant, shameful things I've witnessed since I hit these innanets way back in the 90s.
Soooo.....this is what we're doing now people? This is what we are flossin' via our Old Navy v-necks and Forever 21 tees?
There are so many things wrong with this picture, but how about we start with the most obvious: the fact that somebodies dumb ass can't spell. Now, I'm no Wiz Khalifa but I have a couple pieces and I know for a fact that the artist asks you about a million times if everything is spelled correctly before they start working. So how the hell did we get STARRING? Starring. Seriously ma'am? Starring? As in "them floppy ass jugs of yours are starring in the worst damn titty tattoo since titties were invented"?
I'm quite sure that you meant STARING. And since we are on the subject...what exactly are your mammories looking at? Because they are suffering from a classic case of wonkiness dear. I'm getting all kinds of Cookie Monster vibes. No bueno.
I also find it hard to believe that you didn't know that folks would be staring at your dumb ass for putting two extra areolas on your titties. Who wouldn't stare at that shit? Right now I'm staring at the picture and wondering what the fuck your thought process was when you did this to yourself. I'm staring at it and praying for our future generations. I'm staring at it and hoping that no other variations of this colossal tattoo fail exist. I'm staring and hoping the universe gets a do over. I'm staring and praying that this doesn't cause a malfunction on God's End of Days stopwatch.
Exactly how much Boone's Farm and meth did your ass have to ingest for you to think that this was ever okay? There's nothing right about this. Seriously, even a baby being whose only way of being nourished is being fed from those thangs would give you a strong *side-eye* and WTF before they considered latching on.
This much I know is true: your friends and family don't like you. If they did we wouldn't be sitting here with me telling your simple ass basic stuff like "never tattoo misspelled words and eyeballs on your bosom". A real friend would have never cosigned on these kinds of shenanigans. A real friend would have talked so greasy to you when the idea came up that you would cringe whenever the thought of it entered your brain. No ma'am. I hate to break this news to you, but your people might even hate you. Because anyone with a little bit of love for you wouldn't have taken this picture and posted it on these innanets. No there can't possibly be any love involved in this right here. None what-so-ever. Especially love for self. This right here should be considered self-mutilation. People that like themselves don't do this.
I'm sure finding out that your friends hate you was a shocker. And I really hate to be bearing all this bad news, but you also need to know that nobody was staring at your titties before you got that heinous tattoo. They aren't even good jugs. They look like freakin' hound dog ears. Just laying there all lifeless, mopey, and depressed. Nobody likes unhappy boobs. Instead of walking around like you are carrying Under Dog in your top you should perk them shits up. A good bra, some lotion, some bronzer even. Then maybe folks will stare at you for reasons other than pity and disbelief.
Honestly, if I were you, I'd invest in a lifetime supply of turtlenecks, scarves, overalls, ascots, and bibs. That foolishness right there should never in your life see another ray of sunshine. But I know you are going to keep it on display. You wouldn't have gotten it if you didn't want people to see. So I have one request for you: could you tattoo some tears under those eyeballs? Because you are killing me.
Oh, and for those of you keeping count, this is reason #39583492821354(ii) that the end of the world is near. *sigh*
For some reason, I'm thinking that it's going to be a whole lot of apocalyptic bullshit in my inbox in the very near future. You all can try and prove me wrong if you want to. But I've been in the game a long time. I know I'm right.
Anyway, I believe that this right here is an awesome way to start off this little social experiment. I believe you'll agree with me when I say that this right here is some shit that I should never, ever, ever see. Never in this life or the one beyond. The following is by far one of the dumbest, most ignorant, shameful things I've witnessed since I hit these innanets way back in the 90s.
 |
| *blink blink* |
Soooo.....this is what we're doing now people? This is what we are flossin' via our Old Navy v-necks and Forever 21 tees?
There are so many things wrong with this picture, but how about we start with the most obvious: the fact that somebodies dumb ass can't spell. Now, I'm no Wiz Khalifa but I have a couple pieces and I know for a fact that the artist asks you about a million times if everything is spelled correctly before they start working. So how the hell did we get STARRING? Starring. Seriously ma'am? Starring? As in "them floppy ass jugs of yours are starring in the worst damn titty tattoo since titties were invented"?
I'm quite sure that you meant STARING. And since we are on the subject...what exactly are your mammories looking at? Because they are suffering from a classic case of wonkiness dear. I'm getting all kinds of Cookie Monster vibes. No bueno.
I also find it hard to believe that you didn't know that folks would be staring at your dumb ass for putting two extra areolas on your titties. Who wouldn't stare at that shit? Right now I'm staring at the picture and wondering what the fuck your thought process was when you did this to yourself. I'm staring at it and praying for our future generations. I'm staring at it and hoping that no other variations of this colossal tattoo fail exist. I'm staring and hoping the universe gets a do over. I'm staring and praying that this doesn't cause a malfunction on God's End of Days stopwatch.
Exactly how much Boone's Farm and meth did your ass have to ingest for you to think that this was ever okay? There's nothing right about this. Seriously, even a baby being whose only way of being nourished is being fed from those thangs would give you a strong *side-eye* and WTF before they considered latching on.
This much I know is true: your friends and family don't like you. If they did we wouldn't be sitting here with me telling your simple ass basic stuff like "never tattoo misspelled words and eyeballs on your bosom". A real friend would have never cosigned on these kinds of shenanigans. A real friend would have talked so greasy to you when the idea came up that you would cringe whenever the thought of it entered your brain. No ma'am. I hate to break this news to you, but your people might even hate you. Because anyone with a little bit of love for you wouldn't have taken this picture and posted it on these innanets. No there can't possibly be any love involved in this right here. None what-so-ever. Especially love for self. This right here should be considered self-mutilation. People that like themselves don't do this.
 |
Under Dog says:It's for mankind that I shed a tear! And it's because of this shit right here! |
Honestly, if I were you, I'd invest in a lifetime supply of turtlenecks, scarves, overalls, ascots, and bibs. That foolishness right there should never in your life see another ray of sunshine. But I know you are going to keep it on display. You wouldn't have gotten it if you didn't want people to see. So I have one request for you: could you tattoo some tears under those eyeballs? Because you are killing me.
Oh, and for those of you keeping count, this is reason #39583492821354(ii) that the end of the world is near. *sigh*
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Ripped from the Headlines: Stanky Leg
I'm posting this just to let you all know that dumbass criminals are not something that only the South can claim. Check this out...
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